Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML
Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML
Today, I was finally given a parking spot at work. It turns out to be between an expensive sports car that never parks straight and a giant truck too big for its space. FML
Today, my husband discovered our neighbour's fence was over our property line by 6 feet and kicked up a fuss about moving the fence. It turns out my husband can’t measure for shit. The fence is actually inside the neighbour's property, and he insisted we move it. There is now no room to park my car. FML
Today, the last parking space outside my work was tiny but I tried to parallel park there in desperation. A school kid saw the whole attempt and sarcastically clapped me as I gave up and drove away. FML
Today, I had to come to terms with the truth that I'm absolutely terrible at parallel parking. After three failed attempts, I finally gave up and parked in a spot labeled "No Parking" just to make it stop. Of course, a car pulled in right behind me and blocked me in. FML
Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML
Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML
Today, I thought I'd finally mastered the art of parallel parking. Feeling proud of myself, I got out of the car to admire my handiwork, only to realise I'd parked halfway onto the sidewalk and completely blocked the entrance to a cafe. I had to sheepishly move my car while enduring the glares of annoyed pedestrians. FML
Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML
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Top comments
InfiniteSunshine 32
You're not a bastard. Your side of the garage is your property, you are perfectly within your right to tell her to move. If her weight makes some things difficult, she should know she's going to have to compromise sometimes. This is her problem, not yours.
RichardPencil 32
All you need to do is hang an object from a string hanging from the garage ceiling to guide your neighbor into proper spot. You'd be the world's biggest bastard if that object was a donut.
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Comments (26)
Thumbs82 13
Definitely not your fault. If she doesn't like it, she can put the fork down & lose some weight. Obesity is neither a disability nor a reason to receive special treatment.
604 11
I have little sympathy for obesity from gluttony and laziness; but many obese people are obese due to legitimate medical conditions (biological and or as a side effect to medications).
JinxTheQueen 16
Bless you. Just bless you for knowing we all aren't obese due to dietary reasons.
moondoglou420 17
I am so sick of the excuse of "medical issues." Actual medical issues that directly cause obesity are extremely rare and affect only a tiny percentage of individuals. That percentage gets even smaller when you root out people that had secondary disorders caused by their poor diet and sedentary lifestyles in the first place.
Gwen Avery 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's not laziness and gluttony. It's chemical and it gets worse and worse as you hear comments like yours to get motivated to lose the weight. It took me three surgeries to lose 135 lbs. And being able to write this to you is the best revenge ever.
Will Flynn 4
What revenge? The lady is still wrong and she can be in a huff all day long, it will not change the wrongness. A problem, regardless of the reason, is still hers and does not magically translate into the neighbors problem.
AussieGirl92 0
so true!! most of my family is over weight, my medication I have to take for health reason has side effects of weight gain and increase appetite. In 10 months I've dropped 3 dress sizes. That's with being a full time single mum and full time student with no help from doctors
passionsbite 17
I think you're in the right, but the swing of the door isn't based on a person's size. It sounds like there just isn't enough room for the door to fully open, and without it fully open she can't get out. Maybe the garage is too small.
thedictator_fml 12
You still have to open the door wider if you are obese. No garage I've ever seen had enough space to fully open the doors, but for normally sized people (from skinny to overweight, but not flat out obese people) this doesn't prevent them from getting out of the car comfortably.
AJSAngel 5
Doors usually open to two positions, and it sounds like ahe needs it fully open to exit.
Sherlock Castor Bleu 2
I have a funny feeling that you prefer your side more than hers for similar reasons as her preferring your side. Otherwise it probably wouldn't have been a big enough deal to hassle her with it.
itssnotfunny 24
I think he prefers his side because it's closer to his apartment, and it's his spot, on his side. Not because he's fat and needs room to open the car door all the way.
jocamo 24
it could be the priciple of the matter. plus I'm assuming that OP's spot is closer to their door, making it easier to carry heavy items into the house
Kers3054 16
Or OP just really doesn't like people taking their things.
Gwen Avery 1
That woman is no longer me but I used to have the same issue. You humiliated her. Everyone thinks "oh just stop eating, you'll lose weight." Not all of us are that lucky. It took three extraordinarily painful surgeries for me to lose 135 pounds. Offer to switch sides with her so there is more room. Have some empathy. Trust me, if and when she does lose the weight, you're on the revenge list.
Lilo128 5
It could be that she's parked in his spot, but it sounds more like she's been parking her car so it goes over the line into his spot so she has more room to get out and he's asked her to adhere to her designated parking space.
InfiniteSunshine 32
I used to be overweight too due to a medical condition, I know how difficult it can be. However, if you have a revenge list and put people on it simply because it inconveniences you when they ask for THEIR property back or for you to get off of it, you are petty and childish. OP is under no obligation to accommodate her, you don't need to give up or compromise your property for others. I wouldn't give up my spot for someone else, it's closest to the entrance for my building, and I own and pay for that luxury. Sorry, but the fact that you didn't get it, isn't my fault or problem. If you use it, I don't care what the reason, you are trespassing and exploiting something you are not contributing to.
Will Flynn 4
Pretty much irrelevant. Her side is her side. The other side is the neighbors. You just don't take what is not yours regardless of the circumstances.
shmaxwell 7
keep in mind not everyone is crazy enough to keep a revenge list.
AmbrosiaFan 19
Nothing in the OP said that she pointed out her neighbor's weight. Just that she needs to park on her side like she should be. It would be interesting to hear how the conversation went.
Catdragon 40
You know, I am not such an asshat that I would be like this side is my side. I am more than willing to help others where I can. If an elderly person needs to take a seat, you move. You don't have to since you were there first, but you do because that is the kind gesture. If it doesn't cause too much of an inconvenience on you, what does it matter?
cootiequeen4444 11
revenge list? just lose the weight and enjoy the fruit of your labor on that you can enjoy life more (in being healthy, being able to do more activities that involve action, ect. Why lose the weight and then murder people so you just end up being some bitch, albeit a now skinnier one, on jail. Seriously though, I'm not really understanding how you plan to use your revenge list. Your other comment saying how your "writing this was the best revenge" made 0 sense so I'm just kinda maybe not getting your mindset or something. I dunno. In essence, what the ****?
cootiequeen4444 11
*in jail
Seabass_Chan 33
Why? OP has absolutely no reason to accommodate her. Their parking spot is presumably closer to where they live. That means getting inside faster if they have heavy items to carry in or an injury/condition that makes walking difficult. It seems like the neighbour didn't even ask permission to switch spots. She just used it. It's not humiliating to ask for what is rightfully yours.
Sherlock Castor Bleu 2
I have a funny feeling that you prefer your side more than hers for similar reasons as her preferring your side. Otherwise it probably wouldn't have been a big enough deal to hassle her with it.
BoneCollector 16
I don't think it's the "funny feeling" that you're thinking it is. I think it's the shear fact that she is in his LEGAL spot depending on how the contract is drawn up. Most places that have designated parking spots also have a clause that they are responsible for any damage done to that area unless it can be proven that they weren't. She could be the type of person who, if something happened, would claim she never parked there and it was all his fault so she didn't have to pay. I mean, she basically put him on her shit list because he asked her to do what she's supposed to be doing! That's like parking in a handicap parking spot without the decal and getting pissed at the cop for writing you a ticket!
Reaperbunni 4
Why didn't she just reverse in?
AmbrosiaFan 19
well at least now she can walk a little bit of it off.
worthypegram1 13
It isn't your fault, but it wouldn't kill you to compromise either. You don't have to, but if you're willing to be a great neighbor, you could see if there is an arrangement that can be made to switch spots?
DoomedGemini 38
I think that option kinda went out the door when the neighbor decided to be a bitch about it
kelardy 11
She could try backing the Van in perhaps. It might take her a while to get the hang of doing so but once she has it would be so easy.
kelardy 11
Vehicle I mean*
sandman676 20
**** her it's not your fault she is a fatty