OK thx goodbye

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML

What?

Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML