Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML
Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
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Top comments
doxer 13
Did that fist end up loving him?
DerSuldam 25
I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.
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Comments (113)
doxer 13
Did that fist end up loving him?
False_Stupidity 42
#1 asks the important question here, we must have an answer!
cprad11 12
I ******* hope so.
psmith78332 13
He damn sure would have met mine intimately. My daughter had a guy say that to me about her once but she overheard him and laid him out with one punch and told him she didn't even know him. He was pretty embarrassed in front of a large crowd at a concert.
firefighter925 18
Who says that to a random person about their girlfriend.
WinterChild 20
Your daughter is a boss.
HonestPie 10
How is a punch justified in that situation, Jesus... I feel sorry for any future boyfriend of hers.
Seabass_Chan 33
It's semi-justified. The boyfriend is a complete pig and if she knows he talks about her like that and still keeps him around, then it's a double FML for OP.
Recon13x 9
No way the punch is justified. Violence isn't cool, especially for him just saying something stupid. Plus, reverse those genders and I bet people will be singing a different tune.
oreoeater 21
The perfect couple
TheHardBoiled 11
Ok Hillary, go back to campaigning, or not no one cares.
HonestPie 10
It's funny how you voice an opinion that isn't pro-feminist and you get downvoted to hell. Guess the white knights are out of their caves.
C00kiesNcream 24
I couldn't have seen the best top comment ever! This was amazing! xD
fifi125 21
I think it's time for OP to have a good long chat with his daughter.....
scyth3s 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
About how if she's old enough to have her own fundraiser she still needs dad's permission for sex?
katachristic 19
I think it's more likely that she's in a high school club that had fundraiser and he just called it hers.
DoomedGemini 38
If he's telling the truth. He could be pulling it out of his ass.
fifi125 21
Yeah I've done a heap of high school fundraisers she could be any age
camogirl2249 19
Or that the guy probably isn't the best guy to be in a relationship with. To me it doesn't seem like he respects her much!! I wouldn't want to be talked about like that by my boyfriend!
xTommytheGUNx 15
#62 yeah but some girls would take that as a complement. we don't know OP's daughter
joeyl2008 29
That seems like a fairly odd thing to say to a stranger.
minissaussette 25
The way I see it there are 2 ways around it. Either the guy has a crush on your daughter but nothing else happened and he freaked out when you said that she was beautiful. You must be way older than him and maybe he thought his only chance was to "scare you off". Or they're actually together but unless your daughter's 12, I would advise you very strongly not to come off as too disapproving. My dad tried everything to make me break up with my high school sweetheart, it was a living hell, my relationship to my dad really went south and my so and I broke up when we were ready, a few months after he gave up trying. As a lot of people said, if she's old enough to have a fundraiser, she's old enough to date whoever she wants and do whatever she wants with them. In any case she will probably want to know about that but try to be very open-minded about the whole thing.
siggy_mcsigx 22
I guess the girl will have to just learn the hard way and teach herself that she deserves respect and care, after this guy uses her for sex, disrespects her and hurts her confidence. It's a red flag and if a guy I was interested in said that to my Dad when I was a teenager, I'd sure hope my Dad would sit me down about it. (Having sex is not wrong obviously...it's the judgment of who you're doing it with, that comes with the responsibility of being sexually active)
irishmaiden78 23
Depending on the age of your daughter, it may be time to have a serious talk with her.
epost1 13
hot milf send nudes
Chikiriwak 17
Did you even get to punch him?
Sansational_ 18
One Punch Dad
whysojealous 18
ONE PUUUUUUUNCH
nickie_94 18
It sounds like you need to have a talk with both of them
corky1992 33
Well that's awkward
DerSuldam 25
I don't know about the rest of you, but I would personally hate it if my boyfriend ever talked about me like that to complete strangers.
khaoticpanda 28
I completely agree. I would be so pissed, that's personal business.
socialproduct 19
Maybe this is a bad time to mention this, but my girlfriend is a total beast in the sack... just thought you guys should know.
bobthenob 14
so is mine... awesome.. High five
Schmavid64 13
Talk to her about being honest and don't get mad. Worst thing you can do as a dad is show that you dislike him or ask her not to see him anymore. That could just turn her rebellious and make her less likely to admit things to you in the future. Also I suppose if you haven't already then it's seriously time for the safe sex talk.
gosh_mate 30
Sounded like your first impression was pretty spot on. Not a fan of anyone who talks about their partner like that. FYL