Today, as a priest, I was invited to the home of a lady who claimed that the face of Jesus had appeared to her. She took me upstairs to her bathroom and... it was poo. She genuinely thought she could see Jesus in the poo sitting in her toilet bowl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
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Top comments
Zekfen 17
So it wasn’t just your normal bull shit, but was holy shit.
BurnInDemonFire 39
To be fair, religion is full of shit, so she's kinda right.
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Comments (18)
BurnInDemonFire 39
To be fair, religion is full of shit, so she's kinda right.
Juraj Repinac 5
You must really have a lot of friends with this attitude
Emma Marshall 19
You mean a grown up, realistic attitude? Lol ^. And who would wanna be friends with someone THIS religious.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I refer you to my profile picture. If you think you see Jesus in anything, let alone your shit, you need your head examined. And don't get me started on why religious people are nuts. For one thing, the character limit isn't big enough.
tr3yr 13
It’s just mad disrespectful. Period.
BurnInDemonFire 39
tr3yr - Who gives a Jesus-shaped shit?
Zekfen 17
So it wasn’t just your normal bull shit, but was holy shit.
acmariner99 25
Is this how priests become atheists?
Mungolikecandy 19
That was a s**tty thing to do.
WHSKitty4ever 23
I don’t know if I believe this really happened, bc, what is a priest doing on FuckMyLife?
ViviMage 40
Perform a ritualistic flush down the loo thanking Jesus for gracing us with His bowely presence today! Then leave, quickly!
mekiswrite 21
Note to OP: no more house calls
Glowworm56 27
Did you perform an exorcism instead and flush it down the toilet?
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Your mother sucks cocks in Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell..." "My mother was a saint! Now, where's the bleach?"
Suzi_d16 27
The lord works in mysterious ways.
Itsbeenalong 5
"I don't always poo, but when I do.... holy shit " Jesus 12:10:23