Today, I got a call from my girlfriend. In front of my wife. There was nowhere to run since we were in the car and my Bluetooth feature was on. My girlfriend’s phone had died and unbeknownst to me, she was calling from her mom’s phone, which is why I answered. I'm now walking home. It’s 5 miles away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML
Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML
Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML
Today, my phone auto-connected to my car’s Bluetooth as I drove my boss to a meeting. I didn’t realize my playlist had switched to dramatic telenovela theme music at full volume. She jumped, grabbed the door handle, and asked if I was “OK, like, emotionally?” FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
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Top comments
MidnaLink 35
And I hope it was pouring rain. In the words of my favourite little bully on the Simpsons... HAHA!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Hopefully the time it takes you to get home gives your wife time to change the locks.
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Comments (14)
MidnaLink 35
And I hope it was pouring rain. In the words of my favourite little bully on the Simpsons... HAHA!
LSMVAT 6
If one makes poor decisions one should expect negative consequences AKA you ****** around and found out
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Hopefully the time it takes you to get home gives your wife time to change the locks.
RichardPencil 32
What home are you walking to? You don't have one anymore.
mike3775 39
Play stupid games, do the walk of shame. Hopefully the soon to be ex wife started helping you pack
lv2drum 7
100% deserved. hope its "soon to be ex" wife
HayNow 11
You're lucky if you still have a home to walk to.
Sonotsuave 37
You sir can go straight to hell and stop looking for sympathy here whining about the consequences of shitty actions. Oh boo boo
RichardPencil 32
I hope your wife apologized for withholding affection from you and taking you for granted which FORCED you to seek approval and appreciation from another woman. Who's the bad guy now?
dreams2383 20
no sympathy here. your trash. I hope your wife lights all your clothes on fire in the front yard like waiting to exhale.