Today, I went to a friend’s Friendsgiving party with my girlfriend. When I got there, I saw my wife’s supervisor from her job. He recognized me, too. When I tried to save face saying my girlfriend was my sister, she got upset and corrected me. Way to throw me under the bus, babe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it’s my girlfriend’s birthday. I took her out to her favorite restaurant to celebrate. The waitress serving us looked oddly familiar but I didn’t think anything of it until she said when we collected the check, “Aren’t you my sister’s husband?” I forgot she had a younger sister who worked here. FML
Today, thanks to my asshole coworker and his obsession of posting pictures and tagging me in them on Facebook after I repeatedly told him not to, my wife found out about a party we had with colleagues only. I’m seen in several photos kissing my work bestie, who I hoped I’d keep under wraps until now. FML
Today, my friend's father got me mixed up with his new wife when telling stories for his wedding speech. Everyone noticed. The new wife was not pleased. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, I learned of my girlfriend’s affair with her coworker. And by coworker, I mean my long-time friend, who we helped get a job at her work in the first place. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me as a friend to one of his friends. FML
Today, my wife’s single friend got drunk at my Master’s graduation party and went a long-winded rant about what a good partner I am. I’d be flattered if the fusing of praise of me with single person problems didn’t come off sounding like a jilted lover. We’d only met twice pre-party. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to taste some wine with some friends. I drank a little too much and referred to him as my brother to a random guy. Let’s just say I put a strain on my relationship. FML
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Top comments
D J's MOM 17
if you're gonna be a complete asshole piece of s***t bottom feeding scumbag to your wife, then you need to set some ground rules with your side piece before hand. you know, like, take the hint about this kinda shit and don't correct me in public when I say ur my sister. or is she just dumb as a box of rocks.
mackdeezy 22
Congratulations, you played yourself.
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Comments (8)
mackdeezy 22
Congratulations, you played yourself.
D J's MOM 17
if you're gonna be a complete asshole piece of s***t bottom feeding scumbag to your wife, then you need to set some ground rules with your side piece before hand. you know, like, take the hint about this kinda shit and don't correct me in public when I say ur my sister. or is she just dumb as a box of rocks.
Iamthebanzai22 21
So basically you are lying to both your wife and your 'girlfriend'? May Karma have a field day with your sorry ass.
MistressAfrodite 5
trash. straight trash.
Jessica Carey 11
I hope he goes straight to your wife and tells her everything
Brightside86 31
I can't believe you expected you girlfriend to just roll with it. Might have worked if you coordinated with her but out of the blue that was a hell of a gamble.
dreams2383 20
you are garbage and I hope your wife gets everything. you are a loser
BurnInDemonFire 39
It's a few weeks early, but **** you. Ahem. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to find out karma came your way, hey! Also, I hope that bus eventually becomes more than a metaphor.