Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML
Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML
Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML
Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, I took my 6 year-old to work. A normally docile child, she chased me around with her toy - beating me with it while all my colleagues watched - not stopping despite me requesting her to. When she finally lost said toy, she threw a huge tantrum. Guess who's banned from my office. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
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Top comments
jellybeans4833 7
you can't tell the difference between your own child? Sad.
allitaylor 4
bet her parents loved you for that..
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Comments (240)
MrXerxes5 6
Some people may refer to that as "attempted kidnapping." I like to see it as "playful taking of someone elses kid.''
lotto_boi 3
as long as you wern't wearing your trench coat i think they will understand
iAmScrubs 19
Now cue the large bodybuilder to come in and say, "Hey, what are you doing with my kid!?"
KatieLov3sChu 4
that's y my child is gonna b the most spontaneous, out there kid so I won't forget which ones mine
k3500 0
dumbass you cant decide how your kid will turn out
KatieLov3sChu 4
oh but I can decide wat they'll wear wen they're young smart one
daminantion 14
the **** does spontaneity have to do with an adult grabbing them? And clothing = personality? it takes a sixteen year old to think that way I guess "shrugs"
Whatever087 0
How the hell did you not know?? WTF!!
PopTart12 0
Did you adopt that child 20 seconds from that inncident ?
sweet_candy_ 17
At times like this it's best to slowly walk away from the kid and act like nothing happened. Next time check if it's your kid.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
great parenting so you assaulted a random kid while your kid could have ran off and bought crack because you didn't know what your own child looks like.
smartypants96 3
wow wtf are u on if u cant tell the difference between ur own freakun kid & some stranger!!!!!????!!!! wtf!?
aerogxt 7
Not only do you suck as a parent, you suck at life. YDI