Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML
Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML
Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML
Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML
Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML
Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML
Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML
Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML
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Top comments
CatchMe25 16
Gather some real statistical data and run a multiple regression with an alpha level of .05 to determine what negative characteristics are contributing to your poor friend choices. Then use that to improve. Problem solved. :)
horneyhic 15
He's right it's somewhere between 50 and 60%
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Comments (36)
NutellaPrincess 9
You need new friends who are kinder and smarter I'll be your friend
TRizzo841 2
That's a real statistic..
jdlanam87 9
Yes you do!!
Benmcsausage 2
Your friend is wrong about his statistic.
alicat13 12
Your friend is spot on, you are the ass. 41% of first time marriages, 63% of second time marriages, 73% of third time marriages with a total average of 50% all end in divorce in America. You need to apologise to your friend and admit you were wrong.
Coeliacchic93 21
where is your sense of humour?
Merylwen 24
If you can't understand a simple joke, you shouldn't be on the internet.
alicat13 12
There is nothing funny about being wrong and making fun of the person who is right... maybe that is why the rest of the world dislikes Americans, because they seem to think it is funny being stupid, it is not!
Merylwen 24
You just proved you still don't get the joke.
underthesea12 24
I am with your friend.
shadokis 15
50% is a fairly conservative number if you figure that 100% of divorces begin with marriage.
asdfswimmer 3
But that 50% figure is true
nitrog100 21
That statistic was true at some point during the 1970s, but the method in which the study was performed leaves a lot to be desired. Don't trust a study unless you know how it was designed.
kayleajade 1
Actually his statistic is incorrect, I'm taking a family and children sociology class and we looked at marriage recently only about 38% of marriages end in divorce. I don't know where this "50%" stat came from.