Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while high, I accidentally sent a pizza to my ex-girlfriend's house instead of my apartment. She has a restraining order out on me. This is bad. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I realized that I got set up by my narcissistic ex-fiancée. She'd planned to get pregnant by me, did, then halfway way through the pregnancy put a restraining order on me, and went MIA. Now I don't know anything about my child. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my ex-wife tried to hit me up for money for a skip bin, because the kids' room was too messy. She then sent me a picture of the mess after I said no, then I retaliated by submitting a report to child services against her. FML
Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
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Top comments
Mathalamus 25
Hopefully the child is with you.
TCRII 30
Mine said I had poisoned the well water. We did not have a well.
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Comments (6)
Mathalamus 25
Hopefully the child is with you.
TCRII 30
Mine said I had poisoned the well water. We did not have a well.
John Nemeth 14
Did she actually call the cops on you? I’m wondering if she would get in trouble for making such a blatant claim against you. I wouldn’t even doubt it if she’s done this kind of crap before or would do it again.
genuinegoodguy 9
Why do you have a child with her?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
The child is your fault too. Should have used protection. But still, that is one psycho ex you've got. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with her. I hope you're the one that has custody of the kid.
Hangryko 32
"The child is his fault too?" Don't be a moron.