Today, my husband insists he’s being healthy by swapping crisps for low calorie Snack a Jacks. The problem is that he eats a whole packet in one sitting, three packets a day; that’s around 2000-ish calories just in Snack a Jacks, plus three meals and sugar in his tea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML
Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML
Today, I found out that my husband never actually took our new healthy lifestyle seriously when his coworker told me that now, instead of at the house, he keeps beer and cigars at his brother's house, and visits the Burger King drive through every day for lunch. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML
Today, at a World Cup watch party, my husband joked about how I’d probably eat all the snacks by halftime so everyone should eat up now. I told him that hurt and how he wasn’t the man I married anymore. He replied, “I should say the same thing about you. You didn’t do one thing to lose weight since the kids.” FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, in an effort to be more healthy, I bought a pack of protein bars as a substitute for snacks. I ate all 5 of them in one sitting. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML
Today, I found that if I want my husband to take me out, all I have to do is say that I’m trying to lose weight. Anytime I bring up dieting or weight loss, suddenly he wants to take me to every restaurant in town and splurge on sweets. Part of me wants to lose weight but I also enjoy the snacks. FML
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Top comments
tiptoppc 21
Give him uranium. It’s the most calorie rich and will definitely help him lose weight in long run. Bet he could shave everything off except for the 70 or so lbs he weighs when they put him in the coffin. Albeit killing your husband and burying them 6ft under turned dark pretty quickly once they hit the coffin.
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Comments (1)
tiptoppc 21
Give him uranium. It’s the most calorie rich and will definitely help him lose weight in long run. Bet he could shave everything off except for the 70 or so lbs he weighs when they put him in the coffin. Albeit killing your husband and burying them 6ft under turned dark pretty quickly once they hit the coffin.