Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML
Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML
Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML
Today, a cute new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I had to tell my boyfriend to stop inviting his mother on our dates. FML
Today, I’ve been texting a guy from my old college and we finally arranged a date. I told him it would have to fit my daughter's schedule and his interest in me vanished. Apparently I never mentioned having a kid and have wasted his time. I literally have text messages to him all about her. Prick. FML
Today, my teen son came home in a terrible mood because his girlfriend won’t listen to him. I thought he meant conversation-wise, but he meant she refused to obey his commands about what clothes and makeup she wears, who she can talk to, where she can go, and so forth. My son is an asshole. FML
Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML
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Top comments
Cali 57
Stacey's mom has got it going on!
DashPlays 18
Is your name really Hotmama?
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Comments (14)
helveeta 11
If he were hot you'd be banging him and not writing an fml.
Rake 18
Unless you are in some other relationship, what's the big deal?
neonpachyderm 13
somebody has watched ONE too many "My Friend's Hot Mom" videos. LOL!