Miscellaneous: Peckish - FML

Peckish

By Bontempi - 19/07/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

agreeclassic 13 641

vote type 1 42 736

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By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

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Sabotage!

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Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML

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Fight club

By just outdone - 31/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

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Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

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By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/02/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

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LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

Enslaved 36

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:08

You ate BOB!!!

mara56780 1

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:07

Yummy?

Comments

EverdreamOfMe 24

Friday 25 January 2013 22:10

This just might be my favorite FML.

FireIceMadness 6

Friday 15 February 2013 23:20

I laughed too hard at this! That sucks OP!

goldens_fml 12

Wednesday 27 February 2013 21:27

Nom nom nom.

davincidasecond 24

Wednesday 24 April 2013 6:19

Another "I was drunk" post, another YDI.

soldiat_fml 17

Monday 22 July 2013 7:35

Was it a natural sponge or synthetic? I imagine natural sponges are biodegradable...which is one step closer to digestable...

ManiPaul 6

Thursday 26 September 2013 0:55

Did it at least taste good?

Madrias 36

Friday 10 January 2014 10:59

Can't stop laughing at this!

FaguIous 22

Friday 27 March 2015 11:21

Aww, poor sponge bob. Anyways, FYL I bet it didn't taste good.

alanamarieg 18

Wednesday 15 July 2015 17:07

"Don't feed a guy a sponge Bobby."

thelazytree9 16

Thursday 26 November 2015 14:04

If you drank a lot of a hard liquor you might be fine cuz alcohol is a sanitizer

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Today, my friends and I had planned to meet up. One of the friends, Mike, decided to pick me up on the way. Mike called first to let me know, and his kids overheard us and I heard them ask him where he was going. Mike jokingly replied, "To pick up my ugly friend." His kids ask if it was [my name]? We laughed, but damn… FML

agreeclassic 750

vote type 1 132

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

agreeclassic 28 153

vote type 1 13 543

Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML

agreeclassic 516

vote type 1 89

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

agreeclassic 42 703

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Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

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Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

agreeclassic 68 545

vote type 1 5 683