Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML
Today, I went to sneakily grab a snack without waking up my roommate. I was being extra quiet, tiptoeing like a ninja. I opened the fridge door slowly, but managed to knock over a stack of Tupperware boxes. The crash was so loud it could’ve woken the dead. My roommate appeared in the doorway, not amused. FML
Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML
Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her, "goddamn fucking Cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
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Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
This reminds me of when Spongebob pushed the sofa onto Squidward's foot. I always had to look away...not that I watch Spongebob...*bad poker face*
DocBastard 40
Hey, guess where the sensory nerves are? If you guessed the top layer of skin, you win the grand prize.
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Comments (94)
BrocGlover 6
I'm not sure if this happens to anyone else, but when I read about someone being hurt, I also start to feel pain in the same part of the body. Sorry for the pain you went through OP.
Catkam623 27
It's like the feeling you get when you hear about someone getting kicked in the balls they immediately start to tingle.
sweetsammiedee 16
idk about the balls part but the pain comment is right on the money...I actually shrieked after reading =/
perdix 31
I'm confused. Are we talking about food or sex? "Midnight snack with girlfriend" can go either (ee) way.
dogpup4 23
"My girlfriend came" Duh, obviously sex.
RedPillSucks 33
My thoughts exactly. I'm wondering what sex position would place them near a door with her swinging the door. Going to have to dust off my Karma Sutra (I know how it's suppose to be spelled)
BulldogHoops 14
"My girlfriend came" Obviously NOT sex. Hehe. :(
theycallmekitty 13
Did you not scream and wake up your mom? If not, I applaud you.
KM96 24
Ewww too much information!! :0 :S
LiveLoveBeatles 19
There wasn't really enough information. I'm afraid I'm still not sure what OP was getting for a snack or if he even got one
lilhellian 27
To everyone saying a banana.. Doesn't a banana lack the head?
AllieCat21 21
I believe you commented on the wrong FML.
lilhellian 27
Indeed I did.. I was checking the one this was meant for like were did this go.. Maybe it's lagging.. Then I read here and it was to late to edit..
Dcm210 19
hopefully you didn't have to go to the hospital.
GTAmax99 12
Ya, you know, just a layer of skin...walk it off....
mistercrow 9
Yikes. Too much skin exposure in this FML 0_o
AnimeCookie 9
Ouch, it gives me a mental image in my head.
ronski 41
And the morale of the story is........ Don't sneak around
GTAmax99 12
Its more like....don't eat.
sgtcxelite 11
I applaud you, sir. My brother, who's twenty something years old and for some reason still living at home with my other twenty something year old brother, two teenagers, a tween, and our parents, has his girlfriend sleep over all the time. When they're hungry, they loudly come up and cook food in the middle of the night. Really ******* annoying when it's three in the morning and everyone else either has school or work.
bryfer 2
That must totalt suck for you! You should ask your parents if they can tell them to stop or maybe kick him out if the continue? You got an A-hole of a brother!
jbsington 8
That was a really interesting story, friend. Please, tell us more.
SillyGirl4602 23
No need to be rude 73