Today, our youngest daughter bought her first house and moved out, meaning all three of our kids are now gone, so we can relax and gracefully grow old together, right? Nope. Barely an hour later, my wife showed me a positive pregnancy test. In nine months we have to start all over again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's only been two months since my daughter has owned her home and now she wants to move back to my house because she lost her job and can’t afford the mortgage, plus she got pregnant off a one-night stand and needs my help with the baby. Bang goes my plans for a quiet retirement. FML
Today, our youngest child finally moved out of our house. I went to embrace my wife and say something romantic about us growing old together, but she said, "Thank God they're gone, I can finally leave you." An hour later, she was gone too. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, after six months of trying, my wife was convinced she was finally pregnant with our first baby, which we put off having for years until we got our careers, savings and house where we needed them. One trip to the doctor's and it’s not pregnancy, it’s early onset menopause at 37. FML
Today, after a year of moving to a new country, getting our kids settled into the new education system, and our commutes sorted, our landlord notified us that he needs the house back for his son. There are no similar rentals or properties for sale in the region. We have to start over somewhere else. FML
Today, after meeting the love of my life two weeks ago and moving him in to start our life together, my kids have run off to live with their dads. Apparently they are “not dealing with another new dad.” FML
Today, my last grown child moved out and into their own place. As I stood in my house, which was finally empty and quiet for the first time in 37 years, all I could think was, "THANK GOD THOSE IRRITATING SODS ARE GONE, I HAVE MY LIFE BACK, BUT DAMN IT, I’M TOO OLD TO HAVE REAL FUN ANYMORE." FML
Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my parents, thinking they’d be excited. Instead, they gave me 30 days to find a new place, saying they refuse to raise “any more of your children.” FML
Today, I sit alone in a nearly empty apartment, drinking from a whiskey bottle. Two weeks ago, my wife and I were ready to welcome our first child… except the little bastard was the wrong color, and my wife's hysterical tears told me everything. FML
Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cacheson 42
There are options if you don’t want more children…
core01 30
I see a vasectomy in your future if you aren't looking to continue this trend
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (11)
cacheson 42
There are options if you don’t want more children…
RichardPencil 32
At least you have a few months of quiet. And hopefully lots of free babysitting from the kid's older siblings.
core01 30
I see a vasectomy in your future if you aren't looking to continue this trend
Hangryko 32
You should have gotten a vasectomy if you knew you didn't want any more kids. YDI.
mccuish 25
Maybe you should learn to pull out next time
And1 12
Who is the father? 😂
Vesi 30
Father of the Bride Part 2
1known 34
Enjoy the upcoming 9 months!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
If you don't want more kids, you should have used contraceptives. YDI.
Nhayaa2.0 17
Or not.