Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked two miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier… only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager, and everyone in line behind me. I walked two miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store, but once I'd filled my cart, I realized that I'd forgotten my wallet, and because I'm not the sort of animal who just dumps stuff in random aisles, I had to awkwardly put all my items back on their shelves. FML
Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML
Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML
Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML
Today, my horrible parents turned up to the restaurant I work at just to mess with me. Dad forgot his wallet, what a surprise, and asked me to pay the bill. I refused so my manager got involved. My dad got arrested, I got fired and might lose my lousy flat if I’m late on the rent. FML
Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy my weekly groceries and only realized after a long queue at the checkout, then having the cashier scan my entire cart, that I'd forgotten my purse. I had to leave everything behind and walk out empty-handed, while everyone in line behind me gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
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Top comments
redreynard 14
You crave unusual amounts of wiener when you're drunk? Freud would probably have something to say about that.
hinchkongfang 0
Yeah, sure I'll let you return your drunken sausage purchase, that was probably not refrigerated and could have been ANYWHERE until this morning. Here's a good idea, buy a heap of buns, and some tomato sauce, and sell them to people. You'll have enough to pay your rent, and maybe some profit... Just do it tonight when there are drunken people around, they'll buy anything...
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Comments (123)
MURIKKA 11
"Hey um yeah I'm gonna be a little late on rent this month.... Will you accost sausage as a valid form of payment?"
LO388 7
Your autocorrect just accosted your comment.
MURIKKA 11
I know. I replied to my comment and corrected it, but my damn iPhone app put it down at 12.
TarieBoo 2
You can only pay people in gum(:
muis545 21
Sausages? Couldn't it have been something else??
ColdplaySucks 18
I'd take the option of 'nothing at all.'
yoyoyolol08 5
Oh great, another homeless drunkard
tennisrapper1 14
I'd say it should have been condoms.
soccerguy2 11
It probably could have been something else if op wasn't drunk. But then again, it wouldn't be an fml if that was the case.
_Oblivion_ 12
Control your drinking. That's the point of the phrase "drink responsibly."
RocketNinjaFish 12
What's wrong with sausages? -.- and at least the OP won't starve :)
XxDevilxXGt 26
Everything's ok when as long as you have your health right?! Livin' on the road with sausages is the way to go!
DarthDeath 12
89- Well good thing it wasn't sausages AND condoms. Even someone that is drunk is going to get strange looks with that combination.
redreynard 14
You specifically crave sausage when you're drunk? Freud would probably have something to say about that.
cBlackout 13
Thanks, couldn't read it the first time
crackz12 10
Two comments written slightly different by the same person lol you mustve been dying to get your joke in there
_Oblivion_ 12
You and 8 have something in common
redreynard 14
Nah, my app is ****** up and it wasn't showing.
nico16_fml 6
That sucks sausage .
MCRaddict15 15
I didn't get the joke.
efemel94 7
4 is the joke
elletex 8
I know, those Chuck E. Cheese parties are wild.
robinhood007 9
I don't know what y'all are talking about or why he got thumbed down. Albeit, not a very creative comment it was much better than the majority on FML. I actually chuckled.
winnerme123 8
4- best picture ever!
ManInTheMachine 20
*Checks 3 pages of comments* Nope, this one was the second-worst. Here's the first: 110 by Vynoshit: "Sounds like a wiener situation." The other comments were jabs at his profile, which says "Love parties, hate strings attached". That alone screams virginity, not that there's anything wrong with being a virgin. Just don't act like you're a pimp fresh out of elementary school.
lolfood 24
It could be a troll.
zine_fml 5
He's Canadian explains everything!!
abrookec2011 14
You don't take stuff like that back! Geez.
hinchkongfang 0
Yeah, sure I'll let you return your drunken sausage purchase, that was probably not refrigerated and could have been ANYWHERE until this morning. Here's a good idea, buy a heap of buns, and some tomato sauce, and sell them to people. You'll have enough to pay your rent, and maybe some profit... Just do it tonight when there are drunken people around, they'll buy anything...
RadiationNeon 5
I see a log cabin of wieners in your future...
Rowdey 10
12 - I don't.
JocelynKaulitz 28
Get the landlord drunk and have him pay your rent for you. Or pay him in sausages.
chyeneee 3
On the bright side, now you have enough sausages to last for weeks!
Twentemarc 4
Lucky it wasn't herring
rofflewaffle 9
So the store should have to throw all that away and take a loss because you're a drunken idiot? Maybe this will teach you that your actions have consequences and the world isn't going to fix all your mistakes for you.
TylerBurden 21
Sausage partyyyyyyy! Btw I hope you can still pay your rent. At least you will always have a full stomach with protein and fat this month. :p
everydayFML2121 5
He might not be able to pay rent but he definitely won't go hungry.
AdrianneLily 9
That sucks xD
MrSassypants 34
Yes, that is what I usually do with my sausages....
theneatoburrito 8
Oh, really? Thanks, I wasn't aware this was FML.com... Unless you were making a pun, in that case, it wasn't very funny, but kudos. Sheesh, people panic when they get the opportunity for the first few comments.
MCRaddict15 15
Does it, now?
SkoomaKi 28
Sausages for everyone! A hot dog stand? Sell them for rent. Who knows you might do it for a living.
redreynard 14
You crave unusual amounts of wiener when you're drunk? Freud would probably have something to say about that.
andiewithlove 21
He'd probably be on drunk op's side. His morals were also.....questionable.....
onlychildFTW 34
I think OP should focus on the free sausages out there when drunk. ;) Lol.
nico16_fml 6
At least it wasn't 4 bags
drunkandfml 11
I don't think it's working
realSlimjimShady 7
Again?
nico16_fml 6
No the first was by accident.