Today, I walked into my kitchen to find a pigeon sitting on my stovetop. I live in a completely sealed apartment on the 12th floor of a NYC apartment building. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a pigeon flew into my apartment through an open window. I tried for 20 minutes to guide it back outside. It eventually left on its own, then immediately flew back in through the window again. FML
Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat, and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML
Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML
Today, after I bought a giant bag of birdseed yesterday because birds kept visiting my balcony, I woke up to dozens of pigeons waiting outside my door like I'd accidentally started a subscription service. FML
Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML
Today, a crow somehow got stuck in my ceiling. It's been making tons of noise for 9 hours now, including crowing very loudly. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, I have no access to the attic and the property owner doesn't give a shit. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 23
New York pigeons are a breed of their own.
JuneBleeds4 20
You must be a transplant if you think there's a "completely sealed apartment" anywhere in NYC.
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Comments (4)
Lost Reggie 22
Doordash?
tiptoppc 21
If rats can get in, rats with wings can too! On plus side, grab a pot. Dinner delivered itself it seems!
FluffythePink 23
New York pigeons are a breed of their own.
JuneBleeds4 20
You must be a transplant if you think there's a "completely sealed apartment" anywhere in NYC.