Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML
Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML
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Top comments
SirEBC 7
People get colonoscopies all of the time. Big deal.
FYLDeep 26
When doctors get to the bottom of things, they quite literally get to the bottom of them.
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Comments (91)
greycellgreen 0
Colonoscopy....sucks, but could save your life.
tara0927 3
Yeah and it's not that uncommon. I've had it too, and it's by far not the worse thing that you could have to go through. Suck it up. It's not a big deal.
DakotaCat 4
And then you'll throw toilet paper at arachnids! Amirite?
theflyingtaco 3
Fowl tasting? As in tastes like chicken?
ulicksam 0
Eventually, everyone gets them. Try again.
d_j140 0
them colonoscopies do suck lol
Rick_S 3
Been there. Didn't have to do the goo, but I did have to give myself a suppository, and an enema.
fat_snooki_lol 6
Big deal. My gf had one last week and didn't whine like you. Harden up.
droplets 0
foul, not fowl.
hawkeyes486 3
I agree with everyone else's comments and can't believe this was published. FML's should really be funny/ironic stories that could have been prevented, not something that is a daily occurance every where. If you didn't get a colonoscopy now, you'd get one later down the road. Everyone should. And I agree with cocktailpeanut, my mom also had an ostomy procedure where they remove the entire large intestine - now THAT is something worth complaining about.