Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML
Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML
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Top comments
SirEBC 7
People get colonoscopies all of the time. Big deal.
FYLDeep 26
When doctors get to the bottom of things, they quite literally get to the bottom of them.
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Comments (91)
maybaybe 0
That sucks :/
LucieLastic 7
goo that tastes like chicken doesnt sound too bad to me.. unless you meant 'foul' tasting...
FYLDeep 26
I must have missed your comment earlier. I was waiting for someone to comment on that. I stopped commenting on mistakes since you always end up looking retarded once they correct it.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Would you still eat it if it tasted like live fowl, feathers and all? Doesn't sound so appetizing now, does it? ;)
stewpididiot 11
I'd tell ya some chicken jokes but they're too fowl.... bada boom !
TheZarola 10
Darn, you beat me to it.
isminei 6
Eye c wut ewe did thur. ;D
jenjen6 0
that procedure is way easier than a barium enema which i had a little over 12 hours ago. the prep is fine, u just have to choke down gross tasting stuff and make sure ur by a toilet. the actual procedure was hell and very painful and u have to be awake the whole time. be greatful ur going to be put to sleep while its done.
rpie 0
you don't normally get "put to sleep" (i.e. anaesthetised), you normally get given a couple of drugs - midazolam which does NOT send you to sleep, it makes you a little out of it, but you are not anaesthetised, and fentanyl, which is a strong painkiller, because the procedure IS very painful.
ShyAnn29 15
I have fentynal pain patches I wear every day! it is stronger than morphine I think....
darkbluelining 6
one, big deal. it's routine. two, it tasted "fowl?" really? like a bird? not "foul," like something disgusting? honestly, check your mechanics before you submit. and people who moderate should pay more attention to that kind of thing. it can completely ruin a story (if the story isn't lame already).
MusicalButterfly 0
Waaaah. I'm only 18 and a girl, and i've had to have that twice because i had polyups in my colon since i was 7. I am now also missing my gallbladder because of a defect duct. But im no longer in pain when I eat. So remember it could be worse.
ShyAnn29 15
I've had my colon (at 13), appendix (also 13), rectum (at 16), and gall bladder (at 20) removed....it's a long story
shootintacos 0
you had your ass removed?
shootintacos 0
you had your ass removed?
sourgirl101 29
Colonoscopy? Look on the brighter side. You'll get your system cleaned out and you'll find out if you have any medical problems. But I've heard when you poop, it's clear fluids that come out of your ass, which doesn't sound fun. And you get horrible gas after, FYL!
ydi_4_suking 20
Try to imagine something kinky so instead of a long tube with a camera. It's your favorite or wife or whatever. Sorry my phone doesn't show gender. Putting something up there
unidentified_sta 5
OP is a woman, you need not hesitate ...
deerescu 1
it sucks. but You could have it worse. i was born with horribly large intestine problems And over the years I realized I had kidney problems and have had reflux from my bladder resulting in kidney failure. also I am anemic and have had a blood transfusion. as well as having had my ovary taken out and have an irregular uterus, possibly unable to have kids.
gabrielleangeliq 0
Stfu. This isn't Oprah.
boatkicker 5
Weirdly, my little sisters has almost the same issues. The bladder, kidney, and uterus ones, anyways. Birth defects. So far as I know though, her ovaries are both fine, and her intestines.
ihasbrains 10
you mean foul.
lil65boii_fml 0
Yah. that sucks. I have had that done. it really sicks balls