Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML
Today, after I finished dinner, I was getting ready to wash the dishes, but first I needed to take my vitamins. I accidentally gagged myself and puked in the kitchen sink of dirty dishes. I had to clean vomit and the dishes. I vomited my entire dinner. FML
Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in a rush before work. I squeezed the toothpaste tube too hard, and some of it it shot directly into my eye. I spent the next ten minutes half-blind, crying peppermint tears, and still somehow managed to be late. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML
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Top comments
Vagmanec 0
You threw up for 20 minutes from brushing your tongue? If I was you, I'd probably stop brushing my tongue...
perdix 31
Now, everyone thinks the "new guy (or gal)" is a bulemic that will always smell vaguely of barf. You may never smell of vomit again at work, but people will always think you do -- it's one of those basic smells that you can recall whether the scent is physically present or not. I think your nickname will be Ralph, regardless if you are male or female.
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Comments (86)
Eyeliner_fml 0
I hate when the toothbrush goes too far or when your cleaning your tounge it feels weird nd it gives me sometimes gags D;
carriedaway02 0
haha how so?? I've never heard of that.
tama_tee 0
that is odd
Oreogasm 5
good thing my supervisor shows up 30 minutes after I am supposed to be there so I can be atleast 25 minutes late
glenncronin4 0
haha
sublime2craig 0
#13 is a fucktard just like you!!!
cmac86 24
it's safe to say you weren't "deep throat" with watergate.
FarSide 23
You should of had a shot of whiskey. Everyone expects an Irishman to be drunk and vomiting all the time.
88sforlife 0
Anorexic Much
RaniDays2316 0
Wait, how does throwing up because you brushed your tongue make you 20 minutes late? Were you throwing up for 20 minutes? That doesn't make any sense.