Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm "a self-absorbed bitch." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex-husband and the woman he left me for, also known as my sister, are getting married. On my birthday. My mom is gleefully helping plan the wedding. She seriously sees nothing wrong, and tells me to “stop being a Bitter Betty and be happy for your sister.” FML
Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML
Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML
Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML
Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML
Today, my mom told me to be my sister’s maid of honor at her wedding or I’m out of her will. She says if I don’t go, I’m being selfish, and she wants to see her “baby girls” bonding one last time before she dies. I would gladly go if my sister wasn’t marrying my ex-husband, who cheated on me with her. FML
Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to make me late for me own wedding. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't focused solely on my sister because my wedding didn't center on her. The sister in question snubbed being my maid of honor over a year ago, and just decided to randomly show up. FML
Today, my mom told me that I will never see my siblings again because I refused to attend her wedding to another woman. FML
Today, my mean, nasty, arrogant, bully of a sister is getting married for the second time. Meanwhile, I’ve always been kind, caring, considerate… and single as a damn Pringle. FML
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Top comments
Fire_lights 0
Well I think your mother is the one who is the self-absorbed bitch for making that comment, and you should have told her so.
deaditegirl 0
Well, are you?
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Comments (139)
repyourcliche 0
See, this is why retirement homes were invented...
intrepid00 0
You proably are, but ouch. I mean who else is going to know you better than mom who raised you for 18+ years.
Lifes_A_Game 0
Well, i'm sure your mom wouldn't say such a thing unless she knew you deserved it! But FHL, for saying something like that on a day like your wedding!
doggie3 0
I'm sorry. Congratulations, though.
cmac86 24
she's right about the divorce thing. as for the other thing, I can't help but feel that you somehow deserve what she said to you.
CFR 0
Wow....O_O.
thelonelylurker 0
Mom is awesome.
nomadxx7 0
You do realize that all FMLs start with Today regardless if they actually happened... TODAY. So I'm not so sure about your rant that she's going online during her wedding reception.
fmlcrycrycryfml 0
YDI for being a leprechaun
moonlight_daze 8
I know, right?
fmlcrycrycryfml 0
The last time I saw you, you turned away I couldn't see you with the Sun shining in my eyes I said "Hello" but you kept on walking I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway The Last time I saw you, you turned away I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears Do you remember where we used to sleep at night? I couldn't feel you, your always so far away The first time I saw you, you turned away I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes I said "Hello" but you kept on walking I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ The first time I saw you, you turned away I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears Do you remember where we used to sleep at night? I couldn't feel you, your always so far away I don't, don't wanna take you home Please don't, don't make me sleep alone If I could, I'd only want to make you smile If you would stay with me a while The next time I see you, you'll turn away I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking The next time you see me, i'll turn away Do you remember where we used to sleep at night, I couldn't feel you, your always too far away. I don't, don't wanna take you home Please don't, don't make me sleep alone If I could, I'd only want to make you smile If you would stay with me a while I don't, don't wanna take you home Please don't, don't make me sleep alone If I could, I'd only want to make you smile If you would stay with me a while
WOLFEYES72 2
What song was this?