Kids Lingering

Lingering

Evjoel - - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 23/09/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML

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Anonymous - 26/06/2012 05:44 - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

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MaggotMother - 20/04/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

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A whole load of mess

ChocolateEverywhere - - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was at work, my kids had the great idea to make chocolate milk. My husband had the great idea not to clean up the chocolate mix the kids spilled, so the floor got covered in chocolate footprints. The cat then had the great idea to step in the mix, and cover everything else in chocolate paw prints. FML

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Smart kid

Anonymous - 12/05/2021 21:59

Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML

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mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

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Anonymous - 30/11/2013 16:09 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

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But… why?

Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

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Heavy session last night?

TaintedL0v3 - 11/03/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

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Professional_Ars - 18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

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mrlucky22 18

Tuesday 28 June 2016 16:37

Your boogers should taste sweeter too.

summer4me 25

Tuesday 28 June 2016 16:58

Have you tried saline spray? That could help wash out your nose

Justin Carpenter 11

Monday 9 December 2019 9:29

I got hit red peppers in my eye one time it was like mace and then me being smart as iam rubbed I'm my other eye

angus 16

Wednesday 22 October 2025 7:46

Keep your cocaine and cocoa powder separate in future.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

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Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "My Sex Life". FML

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Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

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Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML

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Today, my girlfriend of three years dumped me because my refusal to go out drinking or get wasted at parties with her makes me "too boring". Thing is, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm over one year sober and I don't want to risk relapsing again, yet she expects me to choose between my health and her idea of fun. FML

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Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

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