Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend posted a status on Facebook saying what a great girlfriend he had. Flattered, I commented on it, saying that I felt the same about him. Turns out he was talking about his other girlfriend. FML
Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom to my boyfriend bragging about how much better his butt looked than mine, all while wearing my jeans. FML
Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML
Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML
Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty." Not used to getting this sort of compliment every day, I felt extremely flattered… until he started explaining in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML
Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML
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Top comments
hekinokuroihi 20
Well, apparently he's into that. Maybe he meant your pecks?
iLike2Teabag 27
Who doesn't love perky ****?
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Comments (98)
kialuvsyoo 3
Wait so is it that the op is overweight and has boobs or that his bf lied about having a girlfriend? I thought it was that op had boobs until I read the comments...
RiceCrispies 7
On the bright side, you have perky moobs!
unknownanon 7
Don't take this personally. Some people are just able to be more open then others. I'm sure he was complimenting you in code! A few of my exes have had the same issue. I'm sure he likes (if not loves) you, he's just worried about the outside world and its hatful response.
SqueakyMunk 14
Better than having a horrible smile, terrible hair, and saggy **** ...
volvagia720 6
You need to go find yourself a tough girlfriend. Know any good biker bars?
HotShot313 15
I will surely be banned if I comment on this post, the way I want to... But still, you got my point though. FML!
lacedup213 1
Faggots
irish1113 4
That's funny shit.
emmsies 16
I don't see what.the problem is here?
merica2015 2
weird..