Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML
Today, I woke up with a vague memory of buying something last night while drunk. According to my credit card summary I made a $270 purchase from a home shopping channel. I guess in 5-7 days I'll find out what it was. FML
Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML
Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML
Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML
Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover. Reading my texts and emails, I then sort of remembered that in my drunken haze I'd booked a non-refundable flight to the wrong city for the same day. FML
Today, I finally got a product I ordered two weeks ago as a free trial-only pay shipping deal. Also today, the same company took an extra $130 out of my account without authorisation. Best part: when I called to sort things out, they told me they had no record of my order details. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML
Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML
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Top comments
slantyshanty 7
. I made a drunk amazon purchase once. It was a cookie monster t-shirt. Best purchase of my life!
fuzz97 23
You'd think you would have learned better after the second or third time.
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Comments (86)
bestCOMMENT 5
LOL a wolf why???
Tamz13 2
Definitely hilarious, but I think the question when you're that drunk is why not!
007type 26
13- Team Jacob? Maybe...
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
Because wolves are awesome!
Ray_of_midnight 23
I suspect it's a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt. The shirt even has its own entry on wikipedia.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Wolves are sexy. What? It's not **********. I'm a chipmunk.
Axipiter 24
The fact that it's an "ironic" wolf shirt makes it SO much better.
daringtoride 27
Drinking problem, anyone??
xcarxcrashx 9
Yes please!
UberNova 18
Is it me or does this seem like he gets drunk at home alone?
pags123 6
go out with sober freind so you don't ******* go to the store common scence anyone
mayyberry 4
That's a really strange drunken thing to do. Usually people attack someone or sleep with their ex when they're drunk. Not online shop..
raymaster1103 6
I online shop when I'm drunk lol
xcarxcrashx 9
Yeah I shop too, I've never attacked anyone though. Not while drinking..
DeadxManxWalking 27
I'll take one. Size M?
dhorn75 2
he is probably a 40 year old man still living at home with his mommy, getting drunk and buy outrageous things on amazon, all while masterbating to Roseann
007type 26
Stop before OP starts crying.
MissMae93 23
You're off to a spectacular start with that first comment 22. You know, being an ass isn't a requirement on FML.
pokefan813 16
22 - great assumptions! Here's a gold star. In all seriousness where the hell did you get all that from?
Myo_fml 20
I love Roseanne. D: Sara Gilbert is a handsome woman.
sadistmonkey 19
30 - I wouldn't blame him for making that assumption.
stewpididiot 11
There's an app for that ! To prevent drunk dialing/texting ...
DespairFaction 11
He wasn't dialing or texting, he was drunk online shopping. I do think there is an app for that though, it's called AA.
Dixbfloppin 11
Why do people feel the need to add a space after their sentences before adding the punctuation at the end?
floup_fml 13
it looks that you are equiped with an auto-healing mechanism that includes shopping therapy. It activates automatically when you het drunk
supportcommand 17
You deserve every shitty slap chop and shamwow that you bought. Quit drinking every weekend and grow up.
ForeverAloneGal 23
Hooker beater or not, I love Vince Price and his products.
donut_gurl 8
YDI for getting THAT drunk in the first place. once is excusable, but 4 times? PATHETIC