Drunk and Kids: Jesus H Christ

Jesus H Christ

By bastard - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

agreeclassic 43 866

vote type 1 4 543

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Miracles

By smyp - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Lithuania

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

agreeclassic 23 779

vote type 1 1 696

Hungover

By RedheadA - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML

agreeclassic 38 670

vote type 1 3 698

Sorry mate, I didn't know

By Baboosh - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

agreeclassic 42 634

vote type 1 14 152

Sneaky

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

agreeclassic 36 022

vote type 1 5 103

Running late

By SMV - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

agreeclassic 32 268

vote type 1 6 108

Thanks for the info

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

agreeclassic 3 858

vote type 1 640

Foreshadowing

By JB. - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Somerset

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

agreeclassic 27 993

vote type 1 5 109

Taking the piss

By Mug - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

agreeclassic 29 270

vote type 1 2 243

Party Hard!

By Livewire - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML

agreeclassic 29 293

vote type 1 7 835

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

agreeclassic 24 503

vote type 1 2 090

AbstraktThoughts 13

Monday 23 December 2013 2:18

Father of the year award goes to...

Welshite 39

Monday 23 December 2013 2:19

I guess his part was the donkey.

Comments

weirddark 2

Monday 30 December 2013 7:53

Is your child's name Stewie by any chance?

mojo0912 13

Tuesday 31 December 2013 15:41

Best dad ever.

SwaggyMcGnarly 3

Wednesday 12 February 2014 1:48

You people are too uptight. This is HILARIOUS!

siqdawg 9

Thursday 24 April 2014 23:57

This. Is, HILARIOUS.

WardenWolf 26

Monday 11 December 2023 5:55

That's awful, but I can't stop giggling. LOL!

sohibil 6

Tuesday 12 December 2023 11:08

Did he also shout that at his son's birth?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

agreeclassic 38 061

vote type 1 3 744

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

agreeclassic 8 098

vote type 1 25 543

Today, I was in a bodega when I spotted a celebrity I’ve had a huge crush on for years. I decided to go up and introduce myself, but instead of saying something cool, I panicked and shouted, "I love your cereal!" They looked confused, and I immediately realized I was staring at the wrong person, just someone who just looked a lot like them. FML

agreeclassic 97

vote type 1 502

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

agreeclassic 40 294

vote type 1 6 997

Today, as it has done in the last couple of years, my dream job has only been accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

agreeclassic 4 336

vote type 1 328

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

agreeclassic 40 006

vote type 1 3 780

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