Today, after a horrible day at work, I called my wife on the drive home and asked if she could start the kettle so I could have a cup of tea when I got home. She shrieked, "I'm not your maid!" and hung up on me, then threw hot water in my face when I got home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, due to an emergency, I ended up working for 18 hours instead of 13. I'd texted my unemployed wife to let her know this was unavoidable, but when I got home she blamed me like she thought I planned this in advance, yelled at me, and my dinner was Heinz tomato soup I had to heat up myself. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
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Top comments
eellik 12
DIvorce her. If she turns a simple gesture of kindness into a case of powerplay, she's not the one you want to live with.
tiptoppc 21
Yeah, that’s assault. Handle it as such. That’s gonna only be the tip of what she may escalate to, but you might need to see a relationship counselor and possibly an attorney
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Comments (7)
eellik 12
DIvorce her. If she turns a simple gesture of kindness into a case of powerplay, she's not the one you want to live with.
Iamthebanzai22 21
It could be that she has been watching too many feminist tiktoks, or that you just caught her at the wrong time. However, the fact that she actually made hot water and then waited for you to come home so that she could throw it into your face suggests that this is not just her losing her temper and then calming down.
Nakomai 17
That's assault and abuse, and you need to leave before it escalates. She also needs therapy.
GoogieWithers 25
You need to leave.
JIMMY2CHAINZ_84 2
brother it’s time to move on.
tiptoppc 21
Yeah, that’s assault. Handle it as such. That’s gonna only be the tip of what she may escalate to, but you might need to see a relationship counselor and possibly an attorney