Today, during an argument with my daughter, she screamed, "Everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration, where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML
Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML
Today, after an argument with my husband, I was sat in the front room calming down when the stupid cat decided she was going to jump up onto me, spilling a full coffee cup over my husband's PS5. He's convinced I did it on purpose after the argument, when it really was all the damn cat's fault FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, my daughter came over, furiously ranting that her husband had asked for a divorce. During the conversation, I asked what she did to make him happy. She glared at me and yelled, "It's not my job to make my husband happy!" I'm on her husband's side after that. FML
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
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Top comments
iFellytone 0
Why is your daughter talking to you like that?
Darling_Cherry 5
Cats don't lie.
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Comments (98)
iamelrebel 0
this is fake. Cats don't do that out in the open, and if it did I doubt you woul just sit there and let it happen.
Pointy130 0
I love the internet.
Gmarmalade 0
hahahahaha
Lifelooser_fml 0
Geez..you cat crapped on your leg!? Dirty. Who lets that happen? It is an outdoor animal.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
If you said she barfed on you then left, we might have believed. Crapping, no way.
bohler86 2
that cat must poop quick, because it would be slammed across the room for even trying to poop on me.
AnonyMiss3 0
liar
iEATdreamsx 0
I bet the OP enjoyed every second of it. Boys and girls, the FML of this story is that the cat hit it and quit it.
Six_and_the_Moon 3
So either your cat speed-shat on you, or you sat back and watched it hunker down and slowly shit on you. Or you embellished this to make it work. I'm thinking the latter.
Matt_Nicholas 0
Just remember, your kids are a reflection of who you are.