Today, during an argument with my daughter, she screamed, "Everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration, where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML
Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML
Today, after an argument with my husband, I was sat in the front room calming down when the stupid cat decided she was going to jump up onto me, spilling a full coffee cup over my husband's PS5. He's convinced I did it on purpose after the argument, when it really was all the damn cat's fault FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, my daughter came over, furiously ranting that her husband had asked for a divorce. During the conversation, I asked what she did to make him happy. She glared at me and yelled, "It's not my job to make my husband happy!" I'm on her husband's side after that. FML
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
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Top comments
iFellytone 0
Why is your daughter talking to you like that?
Darling_Cherry 5
Cats don't lie.
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Comments (98)
Witchcraft_fml 5
Erm... Crap doesn't just fall out of a cat's ass. You can tell when it's coming. You waited for that? Anyway, now's the time to go buy a puppy and train it to attack your daughter. Family vengeance, payback's a bitch. :]
CuntFucker 0
Now's the time to STFU AND GET A LIFE YOU STUPID JEW
Witchcraft_fml 5
CuntFucker... If you have nothing better to do than go around telling people to "STFU" than it's you who needs the life. Now **** off.
tysgirl 0
okay, seriously people, kids do this. Given the situation I'd say the kid is somewhere between 11 and 18. OP shouldn't be to worried, her daughter will love her in 10 years or less, depending on her age. I'm speaking as a 22yo former mom-hater.
CuntFucker 0
No, I think the kid will grow up to be a raging **** that gives handjobs on the subway
kakoa 0
just send your cat to a chinese food restaurant
pawpaw_fml 0
Dogs are infinitely better than cats.
Cristaderzi 0
Well you could have made cofee with the cat poo $20. a cup at that!!!!
killerrr 0
So you just sat there and let the cat poop on you? Cats can't just plop out a turd on demand. Therefore, YDI for not moving. Also, I hope you disciplined your daughter. If not, YDI again. Sure, most kids say stupid things like that to their parents but you have to let them know that it's not okay to treat you with such disrespect.
KatieGoesRawrr 0
unno it could jst have been a little joke?unno... a little mother-daughter friendship?.. i know it's not the nicest thing.. but it could just be joking around. but if it was serious.. and if the OP's daughter didn't get to spend time with her mum much.. then that would be understandable.
chaychaychay 0
Screw non-animal cruelty. All you need is $5 of nickels and a strong sock. Tape the deed and show it to your daughter to send a message.
ObadiahtheSlim 2
If a cat is pooping on you then there is probably something wrong with it. Then again you sound like you failed at discplining your child if they can talk back to you like that. You deserve whatever your child turns out to become.
delly_fml 0
Calm down I say that to my dad all the time and so do my friends we don't really mean it! Shheesh
Voids 0
YDI for not having anyone to talk to but a friggen cat.