Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML
Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML
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Top comments
Leeono 26
It’s not the size of the worm but how you wiggle it.
John Nemeth 14
This would make an amazing tinder bio. Hey there names Blake, People told me it’s impossible to catch a fish with your penis. Well I can proudly say I have proved them wrong. And yes I still have my penis.
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Comments (27)
julfunky 29
I find salmon to be delish. I see no problem here.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
You probably wouldn't want to eat one that has had someone's dick in it though, right?
Donut_Wizard 23
You think that’s bad, just think about how the fish feels. All of its friends are going to call it “Human Hole.”
PenguinPal3017 19
Doesn't matter, saw boobs.
Charlie Given 28
You shall be forever called salmon dick slappy balls, no really I hope it didn't slap ur nuts😨😵
boopingsnoot 25
At least it was a salmon and not a pacu!
RichardPencil 32
Or a piranha?
RichardPencil 32
Fish head, fish head, roly-poly fish head... Hey, at least you’re not having your genitalia compared to a writing instrument :(
openawhole00 6
"Mom! What's for dinner?" "Fishdicks, your favorite!"
openawhole00 6
Did you make tarter sauce?
Yudith 28
How big was the salmon? Also, can you come skinny-fishing with me next weekend?
Lobby_Bee 18
How was the head from the salmon? Better?