Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML
Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML
Today, after much dieting and exercise, I can proudly say that my love handles are now bigger than my ass. FML
Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML
Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML
Today, after a lifetime of yoga, pilates, and general fitness to stay thin and healthy, five years of chronic pain and weight gaining treatments have rapidly made it so my 68 year-old mother, who never exercised and eats like crap, has a better looking body then me. FML
Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML
Today, I'm a 40+, aging, ugly woman with bad skin, and gaining weight. In the middle of the night, the cat landed on my face, clawing it so badly that it left actual scars. Just purrrfect. FML
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Top comments
DirtySalamander 9
all these years and did nothing about it?
Iamthebanzai22 21
You are never too old to start eating right and working out. I'm 47 and my body has never looked this good. My business partner is 53 and she has a six-pack.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
I love your dirty talk. The Pencil is sharpening as we speak, if you know what I mean ;)
Charlie Given 28
😂😂🤣 good to see ya back, we were wondering where the great sarcastic one was
Marcella1016 32
Yep lol welcome back. It was weirdly quiet around here. Thought we lost you to COVID or apathy or something 😂😂
DirtySalamander 9
all these years and did nothing about it?
Brightside86 31
Gwen Stefani is 50, you can still have a rocking body at that age if you're willing to put in the work.
Iamthebanzai22 21
You are never too old to start eating right and working out. I'm 47 and my body has never looked this good. My business partner is 53 and she has a six-pack.
motoikkyu 13
I hear you and empathize. This sucks! I have the patience to wait for results, it's just making the "little daily changes" that affect the outcome is so miserable.
Yudith 28
Happy 50th birthday!