Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, my girlfriend's sister tried to pull the dog jaw prank on me, accidentally biting my finger in the process. Now she's mad at me because her tooth got chipped when I pulled my hand back, completely disregarding the fact that my finger needed stitches from her bite. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML
Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
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Top comments
knowitall 1
Dump her. Dump her now. Abusive people are not good relationship material.
iamsashafierce 0
how's you neice? did your girlfriend punch her too??
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Comments (222)
nomadxx7 0
Sounds like she's insecure about the relationship. Sucks man. I remember when I went out to the bar and my girlfriend's friend saw me hugging a "cute little blonde." Well it was my cousin who was home because my grandfather died. My girlfriend never punched me though.
akeep5 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow you let her punch you when you knew you were innocent??
Monty_Python 0
Use this as a guilt trip to get many blow jobs!
cue_tumbleweed 0
I agree with 13--but make sure your chick knows what a BJ is, first. LOL http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/909616
dave2001soa 0
Leave her. Get out of that relationship. Seriously.
gptwv 0
what a bitch
guitardedman 0
you gotta have a talk with (beat the shit out of) your girls friend. she should know her jealous personality, and its entirely her fault for getting you punched. she is a complete bitch and your girlfriend is a psycho. **** both of em and then never talk to either again
woahcomments 0
daaaamn. hope it was all cleared up... but still. her friend's an idiot for not adding "little" when she said you were shopping with a "cute girl". "cute little girl" would've sounded MUCH better...
x3chibi 0
A girl who can't communicate ... I really think you can do better.
Maybefull 0
holy shit lost a tooth!? DId she have brass knucks? Seriously, get out of that relationship. If she is that ******* crazy about nothing she is, indeed, that ******* crazy.