Today, I was supposed to be working from home. Instead, I ended up taking the kids out to the park for the morning, because my wife “couldn’t even” today. When we got home, she had demolished two bottles of wine, and was masturbating to a home improvement show. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife was so sick of being isolated with the kids while I, a key worker, got to "escape" to work everyday, that she locked herself in our room and got completely trashed on my cider, meaning I had to stay at home with the kids instead of helping my elderly patients. FML
Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, I came home to my wife who was drunk and sobbing. I’d left her alone with my kids from my first marriage along with ours and I guess they acted up so bad they made her break her sobriety. FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML
Today, I sent my wife to a 5 hour spa day. She's now upset because she had to wait to get a pedicure, and the house wasn’t clean when she got home. We have a toddler and I was playing with her, running errands, and cooking us a family dinner. She's a stay at home mom. FML
Today, my wife screamed, cried, called me lazy and a bad parent, and threatened to leave and take our four kids. All I did was ask for an hour to myself every day for some private time. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Was it a show where they pull up the carpet and put in hard wood?
leogs23 25
Sometimes we just need some alone time
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Comments (9)
RichardPencil 32
Was it a show where they pull up the carpet and put in hard wood?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Do you think she was interested in the ball-peen hammer?
RichardPencil 32
Or maybe the plumber's snake?
leogs23 25
Sometimes we just need some alone time
kfchicken 31
when you have kids your "need" for day drinking and masturbation sort of falls down the priority list.
Boyufd 25
might want to consider marriage counseling or a divorce
slkeithh 14
..... Or maybe just an open discussion between two married individuals. I don't see how this warrants divorce.
rpy13 13
This is why people need to getting back in their ******* offices and get back to work. Taking your kids to the park in a week day, regardless of your wife, no wonder employers are fuming.
Nikki 17
Yeah you tell him! And again.. and again
rpy13 13
This is why people need to get back in their offices and get back to work. Taking your kids to the park in a week day, regardless of your wife, no wonder employers are fuming.
rpy13 13
This is why people need to get back in their offices and get back to work. Taking your kids to the park in a week day, regardless of your wife, no wonder employers are fuming.
coolrunnings1021 14
To a show on how to improve your home or the sitcom with Tim Allen🤔🤔
Silver_helmet 10
The end of the story is titillating, but the overall picture is creepy
Hangryko 32
Have you ever considered that she could be depressed? Is she getting enough support from you? I hope she's doing better now, with or without you.