Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML
Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Today, I was on a date, everything was charming and fun, so I went in for a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, and I ended up kissing her ear. We both went on to pretend that it didn’t happen, but the silence was deafening. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Mmm. Kinky. Though I'm more of a traditional kinda guy. I only let them break a finger or a toe on the first date.
LilKonvicted 0
WATHEHELL?
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Comments (209)
alexthebrit 0
today, at the bar, i met an all right looking "older gentleman." things were going really great - i gave him the old earlobe lick and even gave him my pickup line, the one that gets everyone in my bed: "i wanna break your collarbone." for some reason he ran away screaming. fml.
laura03osa 2
HAHAHAHAHH yeah! she should be the one to write the FML
jugglernaut 0
this lady is my hero. and LOL #10 I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES.
thestevenrose 0
take what you can get dude
mesosexy 0
I call bullshit.
ILIEKGIRLS 5
you sure it was a woman? o_O
DannyPenguin 0
# 20.... HELL YEAH!
cdonnae 0
haha #33, very observant
Jazar2054 0
You're old. She's Kinky. Either way......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kdolcee09 0
oh wooooow. lol
daisydukeduchess 0
lol #44 that is funy wow did u **** her anyway...?