Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy, so I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know, the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off, all eyes turned to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML
Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
Today, I was at a friend's birthday party in a packed karaoke bar/restaurant and I drunkenly agreed to sing. I picked a song I thought I knew by heart, only to realize halfway through that the lyrics on the screen were not at all what I thought they were. My brain went for a smoke break or something, and I turned into a rambling mess. The crowd actually booed. FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML
Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML
Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML
Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
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Top comments
xblaine 17
Trumpet solo!
LissaMccracken 23
Woah. Did they all applaud you? ;)
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Comments (83)
Catkam623 27
Blame the fat guy.
Catkam623 27
(Referencing a previous fml) I just realized how long ago I read that one.
Benzypoop 6
How about you stop being a body shaming little bitch, and shut up.
Ambient25 25
That's why you've got to do the "fart and cough"
kurk626 11
haha during class I used to cough whenever I knew my stomach was about to grumble
AshleyScruggs 14
look at how well coughing to cover up a fart worked for Peter Griffin.
chanellgymnast 17
Should've just went to the restroom to avoid pure embarrassment!
boredblonde 17
You either should have gone home or pretend it was the person next to you :/
Bobskittens1 12
Go home? Why would you go home to fart? "Hey girls! I'll be heading out now.. I have to go home and fart. See you all tomorrow!"
chowE_fml 4
Who ever smelt it dealt it!
theworldismad 10
whoever said the rhyme did the crime
laya_fml 26
When we're up in the club, all eyes on us. I bet you made everyone want to scream and shout
Enslaved 38
Whoops! I should have read comments first.
theworldismad 10
but she did let it all out
RVAriverRAT88 9
I guess you really let the bass drop.
kidsgotastinky 11
You sound like you're a gas at parties!
samantha_224 2
Why didn't you just go to the bathroom?
buddy51 23
OP, YDI. The only way you could have salvaged yourself would have been if you'd lit it as you blew forth! Everyone in the bar would have thought you were doing some kind of concept art piece and applauded you. As it is, everyone in the bar now knows you're a gassy douche and thinks you pee and in the pool and spit in other people's beer too!
biloxi_girl 22
Ummm...what?