Today, I learned that the average human farts 15 times a day. I fart more than that within the first hour of the day, and that’s even after not eating anything for three days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that it isn’t normal to fart hundreds of times a day, no matter what I eat. FML
Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML
Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML
Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
Not eating for three days might be why you’re farting so much…
RichardPencil 32
This is FML. A place to vent about injustices in life. I'm sure there are sites where people can brag about their superpowers. Remember, with great flatulence comes great responsibility!
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Comments (6)
cacheson 42
Not eating for three days might be why you’re farting so much…
RichardPencil 32
This is FML. A place to vent about injustices in life. I'm sure there are sites where people can brag about their superpowers. Remember, with great flatulence comes great responsibility!
D J's MOM 17
try beano, it's worth a shot. maybe Google that shit. good luck
Yudith 28
You starved for three days just to see if it would stop you from farting? Go to a doctor before you disappear in a big ball of stinky smoke!
Fred Eze 14
Today I learned I’m not an average human
SirEnigM0nk 22
At this rate, why haven't you joined OPEC??