Today, a nasty brat at the restaurant finally tripped up while running around uncontrollably, and hurt himself. I commented to my wife that "karma finally struck." The brat's mom heard me and threw my keys into the kids' ball pit. It’s been over an hour and even the bar staff can’t find my damn keys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML
Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent trainwreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she'd spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML
Today, my horrible parents turned up to the restaurant I work at just to mess with me. Dad forgot his wallet, what a surprise, and asked me to pay the bill. I refused so my manager got involved. My dad got arrested, I got fired and might lose my lousy flat if I’m late on the rent. FML
Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML
Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML
Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML
Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mike3775 39
How exactly did she get your keys? My keys are usually in my pocket while eating, not just sitting out on the table.
Narsetian 3
Chuck My Keys
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (13)
MidnaLink 35
And there I would've pushed the damn bitch in to look for them.
mike3775 39
How exactly did she get your keys? My keys are usually in my pocket while eating, not just sitting out on the table.
SamanthaThe1st 23
The hell kinda restaurant were you at?
Narsetian 3
Chuck My Keys
Grizz8831 14
while I do love a good life lesson for children, I also love a good life lesson for adults... you said something shitty in the wrong company and they responded in a shitty manner. Given that it sounds like you were simply inconvenienced for acting in a shitty manner, albeit a manner I have acted as well in similar situations I find it funny because you could have simply kept your mouth shut until you left... in your car... that you would have still had the keys for.
Narsetian 3
So instead of Chuck E Cheese it’s Chuck My Keys.
Narsetian 3
So instead of Chuck E Cheese it’s Chuck my Keys?
Narsetian 3
So instead of Chuck E Cheese it’s Chuck my Keys?
Hangryko 32
You have to stop with the repeat posts.
tiptoppc 21
Should have her charged with second degree assault, and unlawful possession by taking, i.e. theft.
Grizz8831 14
this would just make things worse. spend more time now talking to cops, and then IF they take it serious at all, you get to answer more questions, maybe show up in court, and then it may still lead to no gain. it is massive overkill for an inconvenience brought about by talking shit in earshot. OP should take the L and learn to wait, or simply take solace in kids learning rough lessons.
RichardPencil 32
I hope everyone is ok and that you find your keys quickly! (I would normally say something snide and sarcastic, but the karma train on this one seems to be a juggernaut I want to stay out of the way of.)
Hangryko 32
You get both from me. YDI for saying that within earshot. However, also FYL because the entitled mom pretty much stole your property and wasn't parenting her kid, inconveniencing everyone.