Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of two years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year-old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML
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Top comments
YOUNGSMUTTY 0
That's sad. I hope your grandma's alright! You're such a sweet boy for going home to help her. I'll take your virginity ;) Haha jk.
shortandloud 0
That sucks about not getting sex but I have to say that the whole getting stuck between the bowl and the wall is pretty hilarious.
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Comments (360)
Nicole76137 0
your grandma could have waited 30 min
hateevryone 15
omg. i don't mean to laugh but this is so funny lmao. she must be overweight if she got stuck.
cecilk 29
No, she does not need to be overweight for that to happen. My grandmother had the same problem. The room with the toilet simply was so small. There was exactly enough space between the toilet and the wall for her to fit in. And since she is very frail she could not get out herself anymore. In the end those incidents where she fell down and could not get up herself anymore became more and more. She quite often broke some bones when it happened and every now and then she couldn't even reach her alarm-button and had to spend a few hours on the cold stone floor until somebody found her. My aunt with home she was living in the same building finally got so paranoid that she could not sleep anymore because she was afraid that my grandmother would fall down again during one of there many nightly excursions to the toilet. So my grandmother now lives in a nice retirement home where they not only have heated floors and other stuff for her to be more comfortable if she falls down, but also night-nurses that check on her once an hour even without her pressing the alarm-button.
sexxychickk 0
I would of done a quicky, then left to help your stuck grandma. :)
misspineapple 0
You deserve it for putting sex before your grandma and writing this fml about not getting laid.
sharah147 0
LMFAO!
bironbaby 0
Omg, thats awful, but hilarious as hell!!!!
jwktheman 6
so you just got cockblocked by your grandma falling off the toilet and cant get up. hahaha
amam96 7
I've never laughed at an fml this hard, (no pun intended)
tankadin37 0
"I'm sorry darling... I must go, for Duty calls. And today, duty calls in the form of my grandmother being stuck between the toilet and the wall. Farewell...
rackcity 0
Ahhh u got raped hahahaha