Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and, about 30 seconds in, he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. It turns out that he'd already came. I called his phone - wrong number. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after, he gave me the "let's just be friends" speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex-girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML
Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML
Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML
Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Vincere_fml 0
That guy's pathetic... unbelievable
gabby1995pena 4
She probably got pregnant.
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Comments (121)
uminuscooll 0
lol more like **** his life.... that's pathetic.
SamuraiDeli 0
Agree with #28.
alwaysalady 0
Longevity.... he lacks it.
me_me_fml 0
I bet he does that all the time.
Petrov1989 0
That guy is my hero... I can't get past 15 seconds
sonofskam 0
Look, a busy man doesn't have time for trivial things like "respecting his partner". Dude's got a meeting to go to.
Bibico_fml 0
Agree with #35. I assume you'll be at another bar tonight or tomorrow and the same thing will happen. Of course, the way you found out he "already came" was that you didn't have him use a condom, there was **** dripping out of you, and because you don't practice safe sex and are kind of slutty you probably have an STD. Yeah, FYL. No wonder there's a ton of STDs being spread.
mizzblondey1313 7
I agree completely
Dr_Phil 0
"Then she pulled out my mushroom tip ... and when it came out it went drip, drip drip."
Meeeooowww 9
Looks like we have a poet here
kittykat1501 31
Haha 42's name is 30 second man
watupyo 0
Okay she could have been on the pill, sure doesn't protect against STDs, but at least she could have been doing something sexually responsible. And guaranteed if something like this happened to a dude, everyone would be saying "man what a bitch" instead of "he's a man-*****." That being said, that guy is hilarious. I'm torn whether his nerve is pathetic or awesome. I'm going with awesome.
ohgeez 0
Wait...can't you tell he came? Especially if you didn't use a condom. Well....you deserved that one in more ways then one.
ToketokeOnelove 0
#44 Agree. and that is one of the best one night stands i have ever heard of. High five to this guy. High five to the forehead to this chick.