Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML
Today, I excitedly told my mom how I got accepted to the master’s program of my dreams. She decided now would be a good time to proudly repeat for the millionth time how she gave up a full ride to the Ivy League to marry my father, and I ought to be a "good woman" and do the same. FML
Today, when my son told me he wanted to work with animals, I thought he meant a vet, turns out his actual career goal was to be the guy who puts the strays to sleep at the animal control centre. He got that job and I’ve never seen him happier. What monster have I raised? FML
Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML
Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML
Today, after having a long talk with my mother about LGBT rights, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grandkids." FML
Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML
Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML
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Top comments
emer_helena 0
You will meet girls! All the cool 6 year olds go to the petting zoo :)
Indiana_fml 4
So you are supposed to hook up with single moms so that she can have instant-grandchildren...
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Comments (95)
dwyn41185 0
Petting zoo? First off, getting 2 degrees and a high distinction is impressive. Whatever anyone else has to say, they obviously don't appreciate education like you (and I) do. I'm impressed by your accomplishments. :-)
jewelzgalore 0
I must say I'm a bit disturbed that your mother wants you to meet girls at the petting zoo considering most who visit them are under the age of 10.
kimberlyjulia 0
If I met you, I'd considering dating you, depending on other aspects of your personality. You'll have no trouble meeting girls. Just be happy and confident. Girls like smart guys.
BADumbass 0
screw your mom!! Congratulations!!
ginger55 0
Biochem majors are sexy. It is a little known fact.
mattmag 0
Congrats on graduating! Don't take that stupid job, I'm sure you can find something better.
dwang4 0
biochem majors are sexy. screw your mom, go find something better. FYL.
comment_fml 0
I've volunteered in a petting zoo. I did not meet any guys I would want to date there... I'm going into college looking to major in bio -- with those credentials, I would turn you down if you settled for a petting zoo job. Go out and change the world.
neverland_fml 0
Your mom is a selfish bitch. Go for your dreams and let her pop out some brats if she wants more ankle-biters.
raybury 2
You didn't bother setting up a job for after graduation, even with a double major that doesn't include English (=waiter)? Duh.