Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected it. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I had a first date via video, due to Covid. It was the first time a girl had asked me out, and she seemed very enthusiastic. Until she started to worry me by throwing in the L-word about 10 minutes in, and talking about our wedding. I've never even met this person in real life. FML
Today, I told the girl of my dreams that my love for her was deeper than the ocean. She laughed hysterically. This wouldn’t be so bad but we happen to be dating. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
Today, I went out to dinner with the girl of my dreams. Wanting to get to know her, I asked her what she’s looking for in a relationship. She scoffed and said how relationships are for the weak and that it’s better to not catch feelings to avoid being hurt. I guess I don’t have a chance. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that our relationship and economic situation is stressing her out so much that she’d rather end her life or marry a rich dude. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
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Top comments
Sue21 0
Tell her to go to a wallet making factory
whocaresnotme 0
what the heck???? how bout u never talk to her ever again
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Comments (239)
blinkingstarlet 15
haha 23 and 47!!! "it puts the lotion in the skin or it gets the hose again!" maybe she saw silence of the lambs one too many times. ur name wouldn't happen to be buffalo bill would it?
Inspired22 11
Just wondering, why in the hell did "how you would like to go" come up in a first-date conversation? That's just a bit morbid. Also, did it occur to you that she just has a very strange sense of humor?
killface_fml 0
How is this POSSIBLY an FML? I say marry her as fast as you can. She has a great sense of humor, and will be a fantastic companion. If she dies before you, you get a wrinkly wallet with a story. WIN WIN.
Marysenjo 0
LMAO @ # 23 XD made me laugh for 5min. well, she likes money :) no, but seriously, maybe she wanted to be funny and made a weird joke. she sounds like fun to me :D
meepmeep_fml 0
This isn't an FML. She's either a very interesting woman or was incredibly bored with your conversation. Grow up.
0 3
I don't get it.
dickinabox 0
@87 YES, SOMEONE ACKNOWLEDGED MY HILARIOUS COMMENT!!!
elfuzzo 0
It doesn't sound like it was a serious conversation, so I'd guess she was joking, and you didn't get it. YDI for not having a sense of humour.
sugarmuffin 0
WTF? Perhaps you should screen your dates...
tiltwrestler 0
Well, they do say the craziest b*tches f*ck the best, so maybe just keep her around for that? Idk. But if she starts pulling out knives or doing Satanic rituals during sex, you might wanna make tracks.