Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "Shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent twenty minutes helping an elderly man figure out how to use the self-checkout. When we'd finished, he smiled, thanked me, then walked away… without paying for any of his groceries. The cashier assumed I was with him. FML
Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML
Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML
Today, at a self-checkout, I scanned all my items, bagged them, and left. Only when I got outside did I realize I had completely forgotten to pay. I then noticed that security was running to stop me, and I had to explain that I wasn’t a thief, just an idiot. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML
Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML
Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML
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Top comments
TBelle4Ever 15
Oh Grandpa, are you still taking your medication?
PleaseStayChill 9
Yes, because $1 bills are completely in our imaginations.
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Comments (39)
TBelle4Ever 15
Oh Grandpa, are you still taking your medication?
rhaemese 9
Medication? That's helping to leave a paper trail for the government!
patrickalamo 48
I would agree with your grandpa but then I would be tracked as well.
HowAreYouToday 34
You should wear a tin foil hat. If it keeps out the Dark Ones, it'll keep out the government.
Vivera2 6
Oh come on. whats wrong will bills. they exist in denominations from $2 to $100.
PleaseStayChill 9
Yes, because $1 bills are completely in our imaginations.
yupitssoph 18
I thought they discontinued the $2 bill?
Vivera2 6
where i live, $1 bills are rarely seen or used, and $2s are produced to meet the rather small demand
gribbles 12
The ****?! Everyone needs dollar bills. Change would cumbersome without them. "here you go sir, your change is $1.75, so 7 quarters! Good day!"
FrostHeart 36
Actually, in new York we use $1 coins. In the metro if your change is $3 they'll give you 3 $1 coins
Vivera2 6
if change for a $5 is needed, the preferred method is 2 $2s and 1 $1 coin easy as can be
Shadowvoid 33
What if i want, 5 quarters, 20 dimes, 10 dimes and 125 pennies?
iAirHeartz 10
I'd think the easiest way to make $5 is using a $5 bill.
XtraEzeee 8
46- Why didn't you just say 30 dimes?
MrBubblez98 13
Good thing I live in Canada... It's so much easier with just loonies and toonies...(If that's the correct spelling)
u002764 3
dafuq? don't u ppl hit strip clubs?
actyankee 5
In Connecticut no one uses 2s or 1 dollar coins. Here if you have either of those you horde them.
smellymellyy 7
Well that's awkward
fuzz97 23
I disapprove of your vapid, overused comment
xMysticKnightx 1
Do you think smelly melly cares what you think?
Pelvispresley 8
You might want to seek advice for him from a psychologist...
SkateboardGirl88 11
Ha! Your picture is exactly what the other guys face probably looked like!
yuggi1 11
The Grandpa is old. There's no need for a psychologist, he's just the typical cranky old guy. xD
misspulkadot24 17
I love old people when they start their grumpy rants. They say the darnedest things.
BitchPlease18 6
Just smile and nod. Smile and nod.
xMysticKnightx 1
So are kids.
asoptavlo14 6
Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
thefmlman2011 37
My grandpa rants anout the sane thing, over and over and over again.
pcentral 17
Has someone been reading too much George Orwell?
Psych101 9
Careful, if he reads too much Orwell he'll start a revolution of older people! Next thing you know, we'll be thinking that they look like humans...
maxmex13 7
Big Brother is watching you...
teh_uber_muffin 3
Big Brother is, in fact, NOT watching you. Anyone saying otherwise will be expressing thought, and we don't want that around here.
Mahtari 19
Your grandpa is a boss.
featherygoose 9
He is right. Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose. By now, all of you credit card users names are in the system of every laptop, desktop, mainframe, and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the memory conspiracy. Otherwise known as, THE BEAST.
Ajwc101 24
I think grandpa needs some medication.
kimmi41509 10
Just like children, the elderly rarely have filters from their brains to their mouths.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Way to go, gramps! Show that guy who's boss!