Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "Shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent twenty minutes helping an elderly man figure out how to use the self-checkout. When we'd finished, he smiled, thanked me, then walked away… without paying for any of his groceries. The cashier assumed I was with him. FML
Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML
Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML
Today, at a self-checkout, I scanned all my items, bagged them, and left. Only when I got outside did I realize I had completely forgotten to pay. I then noticed that security was running to stop me, and I had to explain that I wasn’t a thief, just an idiot. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML
Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML
Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML
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Top comments
TBelle4Ever 15
Oh Grandpa, are you still taking your medication?
PleaseStayChill 9
Yes, because $1 bills are completely in our imaginations.
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Comments (39)
john443 5
Someone's been watching to much of Fox News
njgohard 16
From someone who actually pays attention to their arguments...**** off. If you're supposed to be tolerant, then you better damn well be tolerant. But don't listen to me. I'm the only damn cons on this site, and I'm 16. The **** do I know?
Shrike 24
There's no reason to be "tolerant" of pure, unadulterated bullshit, whether it comes from FOX, CNN, or whatever. Guy made a harmless little joke and you had to come along and turn it political. Nobody with a brain gives even half a shit whether you're a conservative or not. Get real. You're not that important.
Shadomasta 5
I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that mr 54 is deep in a Faux Nooz induced coma. I haven't heard anyone defend that channel so passionately in years...
perdix 31
You're grandpa's an idiot. The government just as easily harvests your DNA off of coins to track your spending, locations and habits. The only way to maintain freedom is bartering. Dumb old ****!
ImmaB3AST 7
Your*. I just corrected Perdix!
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
30- CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Now were did I put that **** I was about to give?
ImmaB3AST 7
Where* Asshole.
KiddNYC1O 22
33- Why so dramatic? That was a legit correction. Especially with the irony involved in perdix's comment.
perdix 31
#30, yep, you got me! Frankly, I'm surprised I don't screw up more often. Good catch, though.
MrBubblez98 13
Let this be a reminder to me since I'm new: every comment I make cannot have a spelling mistake...
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
38- Yeah sorry about that, in hind sight that was neither funny nor very intelligent.
olpally 33
Love the username op... Just laugh it off, Grandmas and Grandpas are hilarious in their old age. They always complain about everything anyways. Lol
OhDearBetrayal 25
"Oh dear, help! I think I might have broken my hip." "Hahaha, grandma stop. You're too funny, honestly:')."
olpally 33
24- *golfers clap* well done. Lol.
reject214 10
Gramps needs a nice long rest in a place with padded walls and tight jackets.
zandalee 20
Sounds like a nice warm relaxing place. Can I come too?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well now when the government tracks down your grandpa from this FML post he'll only have you to blame, asshole.
Enslaved 38
Sorry for you and the cashier, dealing with grandpa. Old people are set in their ways. There's really no chance he'll change his pattern of thinking.
dirton89 7
The fact that he wasn't afraid to blurt out "shut your mouth" to someone makes your grandad epic right there..
Gunnarr 12
Hells yes, you TELL that som'bitch behind you!
fallenangel72 7
He sounds awesome!
babalooisbabaloo 5
Username says it all