Today, I wondered who ever came up with the idea that women are elegant and refined. Mine farts like a horse, belches like a bullfrog, eats like a pig, and she's proud of it. Like something out of Shrek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML
Today, my girlfriend let out a vile fart in an Uber. It stank so bad, the driver threatened to kick us out. She blamed it on me and called me a pig. Then, she ripped another one, and he actually did kick us out. She had the nerve to act hurt when I called a second Uber only for myself. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML
Today, I went clubbing. A girl I was dancing with leaned in with a disgusted expression and said, "God, it stinks! Someone keeps farting… I swear they've got IBS." It was me. I have IBS. I was farting. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
Every relationship has its trade offs. At some point you have to ask if the trade off is worth it. … Women are human too, usually when they stop holding in the farts and belches it means they are really comfortable with you.
core01 30
Who would've thought a human would do these things?!?!?!?!?
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Comments (5)
Chazzster 32
Every relationship has its trade offs. At some point you have to ask if the trade off is worth it. … Women are human too, usually when they stop holding in the farts and belches it means they are really comfortable with you.
core01 30
Who would've thought a human would do these things?!?!?!?!?
Petit Etre Malfaisant 23
congratulations on marrying Princess Fiona
BurnInDemonFire 39
Who's the real pig in this scenario?