Today, I was at a family reunion, but I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and get it on." My husband turned around. It was my uncle, wearing the same hat as my husband's. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion and made the mistake of wearing the same shirt as my cousin, who is known for always wanting to be the center of attention. She took one look at me, pointed, and said, “Oh, I see you’re copying me now, huh?” Then, my aunt overheard and said, “Well, she is your cousin, so it’s not like it’s a crime.” FML
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after we went to my family reunion. I heard him complaining that I didn't have any "slutty cousins" he could cheat on me with. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML
Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML
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Top comments
kings1fan 6
Look on the bright side. Your uncle doesn't know you hate your family. He just thinks your horny as hell!
coolkid_matt 11
Awkward! :S
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Comments (133)
iluvlife797 2
Ouch.....
C0N71NG3NCY 6
And if it had worked, and your husband did indeed take you home, boom, suddenly you're "too tired" or you've "got a headache"!
hoonyer 17
haha how did he respond to that?
Calyx_fml 22
Yeah right. OP didn't say "make love". She said "**** you with a strap on in your santorum filled mangina".
vbmg152 19
Did you get your foot out of your mouth yet? YDI for being an idiot!
narutou546 4
Don't be a bitch, family is family, just be glad you have one
daydreamer244 13
well at least he doesn't know you hate him now!!!
wriptidez 0
lol well atleast u love ur hubby
xx_FML_xx69 0
That's not all u said!!!
jetsticks 0
You live in Kentucky right?