firemansam
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
Advent calendar time!
Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML
Top comments
oliviaorourke 8
Maybe he works night shifts?
Blueglasscup 18
A free newspaper! OP, you lucky devil!
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Comments (114)
youcantwin 8
Free newspaper?
KiddNYC1O 22
Are fucknuts Mars residents?
happykesh 3
FYL op but good for you for doing charity work! And plus you get a free newspaper.
rubberduckie94 13
hey. not all of us that have guns are "hillbilly fucknuts" LOL. we have guns because they are fun to target shoot. Anyone who has half a grain of a brain knows NEVER mess with a gun and NEVER even if you have checked to make sure it is unloaded ever under any circumstance point it at anything you do not intend to eat after it dies i.e. deer, rabbit, whatever floats your boat to eat. I have no hard feelings about your comment, dont get me wrong i found it pretty funny. actually most people in the us disapprove of owning fire arms unless you are like us from the south or in the west(except that crazy california) but really guns are fun to shoot you should try it sometime.
Stoneyyay 5
ydi for waking him up ******** aka bell end
DocBastard 40
A "bell end" is British slang for the head of a penis. So he was calling OP a ********. Nice work, ********.
OinkieOinkie 1
Thank you. First person to actually explain :D
every1luvsboners 11
Maybe you shouldn't go door-to-door harassing people. If he wants to buy something he'll go to the store and buy it. I hate you people. Unless you're bringing me a pizza or mail don't come to my door. ********.
yumlicious 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's for charity. Way to be an antisocial selfish douche.
flockz 20
judging by your username and comment, i think it's safe of us to assume that you give ******** to every soul that knocks on your door in hopes that people will see you as a very social human being. but what people don't realize is that you don't only give them to be social, you in fact love the taste of said splooge and think it's yummylicious. you're known on the streets as the friendly neighborhood pleasure giver. that's my interpretation of you.
CADMAN82 1
So it's okay to be intrusive if it's for charity? If I want to donate to charity I will donate to a charity of my choosing. The best way to guarantee I never donate to your charity is to send people to my door.
every1luvsboners 11
There's a time and a place to beg for charitable donations. My front porch is neither.
yumlicious 4
@Flockz - I like how you insinuate that I'm a *****. However, I'm a 16 y/o virgin and have only performed oral on my current boyfriend who also happens to be my first boyfriend. Judging by your comment its safe to assume you're a total douche. @Cadman - Is your entire life going to be ruined because someone interrupted you while playing CoD? At least the person is being an active and productive member of society. They're showing a strong interest in something they care for. And they're willing to do anything for that cause... including going door to door knowing that they have to encounter asshats such as yourself. @ELB - I don't like how you worded your sentence. When I help with fundraising I never "beg". Like I said if you can't take 5 minutes out of your life to give 5 dollars to a charity then there's something seriously wrong with you.
every1luvsboners 11
And the opinion of a 16 year old girl really matters to me, let me tell ya. Shut-up, idiot. Go sell some Girl Scout cookies or something.
flockz 20
in my "douchey" defence, i insenuated you were a ***** because of your dire need to feel social. you came back and told us a small anecdote about how you're only 16, but not a ***** because you only suck your boyfriend dry. do you even have driver's license yet?(and that's a rhetorical question)
ImaginaryFoe 1
I donate both time and money to charities of my choosing but my time at home is for me and my family. I've had a no soliciting sign but many don't bother to honor it. Just because you want to feel like you've done something for your cause, it doesn't mean I'm obligated to assist you in your quest for self-worth.
PYLrulz 17
If someone is pushy or persistent, yeah, go ahead and be an asshole back, but otherwise, just say "no thank you", and close the door.
yumlicious 4
@ELB: BTW - I'm a guy. Wow, you're a moron. My profile clearly says "Mister". Just because you're old and jaded doesn't mean you have to make everyone else miserable. I also like how Flockz spelt "insinuated" wrong despite me spelling it correctly previously.
yumlicious 4
Oh and where did I say I was in dire need to be social? Thanks for shoving words into my mouth. I just would rather not be spending my life in front of a TV or the computer.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Your profile is hidden. Are you hiding something from me mister?!?!
every1luvsboners 11
I'm a moron because your profile is private and you don't want anyone to see it. That makes perfect sense. You're a goddamn idiot. And don't brag about sucking dick when you're only 16 years old, nasty bastard.
Otarin 6
Gracious. This got a little out of hand. I mean it's a simple matter to get ELB to mow you down with a slew of sharp words. However this is the first time I have seen Flockz be rageable :o Just a word of advice. Don't comment till you know who people are. if you take on a respected member of the commune then both said person and the people who like him are gonna attack you with the force of WORDS. Careful, words are pretty pointy.
manhands21 6
Bitch please. I work graveyard shift and live next to a busy freeway in the fourth biggest city in the U.S.. He was just mad you interrupted his sexy time with himself.
no_fing_way 4
There are a ton of hispanic people in my neighborhood and they have tons of kids. The latest annoyance is the lady selling tamales door-to-door. She turns her kids loose to run up and down the street, wildly ringing doorbells in preparation for her arrival. Suddenly you have the entire neighborhood looking outside, wondering WTF, only to see her strolling along with a stolen grocery cart, full of goddamn tamales. I finaly disabled my doorbell.
hateevryone 15
he must've been drunk.
happykesh 3
Or trying to sleep? Sounds like an upset cranky old man to me. Not drunk.
DocBastard 40
Yes, drunk is clearly the only rational explanation. It's impossible that he was simply irritated that this stranger was ringing his doorbell while he was trying to sleep after a night shift. Can you not read?
Otarin 6
If I get woken up I generally toss the closest hard thing within arms reach. Failing that I grumble incoherently something among the lines of "mmmmrrrahhfuckofff" I am probably supposed to make a comment on how he wasn't drunk and was sleeping and how you should have picked up on this but it doesn't really matter cause doc pointed it out and I'm sure about three more people will.