Weird

Step-father, right?

By Marytza - 26/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, it's my daughter’s 18th birthday. Today is also the day that my husband told me he’s leaving me for her, and he wants a divorce. When I threatened to press charges for potentially grooming her as a minor, he told me I don’t have a leg to stand on because, “She’s been at the age of consent anyway.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 186

Weird old lady of the day

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 589

You deserved it 3 459

Mind your own business

By MyCarHasBluetooth - 19/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, while I was driving, a pedestrian gesticulated wildly at me for being on my phone. I was just tucking my hair behind my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 79

Kinda suspicious

By fuzzybee301 - 17/06/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my husband claimed to have gone to a baseball game by himself. My best friend posted a story where she went to that same game. My husband’s hand was in the background. He told me nothing happened between them and they went as just friends. He didn’t tell me because he “thought I’d be mad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 131

Quacks

By Anonymous - 17/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went to see the doctor to find out if the injury to my foot will ever heal right, because it's swollen to the size of a bowling ball, and I was hoping to start a method of treatment to get it back to what it was like before. When I asked, the doctor said, "It might, might not." So much for that hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 90

Masterclass

By annoym - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 360

You deserved it 14 263

The strangeness of strangers

By TMI - 13/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 121

Zero stars on Yelp

By Anonymous - 07/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to put my 12 year-old dog down because he had dementia. I was told I got to lay on the floor with him, and say when I was ready. The vet brought my dog out on a stretcher, had the vet tech put him in a choke-hold, and administered the drugs before I could speak. Now, I have PTSD and she has to undergo sensitivity training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 133

Elaborate backstory

By lordoftheweird - 06/06/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I found out both my parents are career criminals. My dad expects me to join the "family business" and my mom has decided that they'll "never get her alive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 101

Medical miracle

By I'm mad because I never would've guessed it - 02/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, after a week of persistent allergy symptoms, I finally went to the doctor. The cause of everything was an ear infection. After getting an ear cleaning, all of my symptoms - including a sore throat and head, and constantly feeling as though I was going to vomit - disappeared. My ears didn't feel weird at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 126

What the hell?

By Anonymous - 02/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I went a girl's home for our second date. As she opened the door, she was leaving with another guy. I said, "I thought we had a date this evening?" Her response was, “Tah tah!” as she walked out the door while hanging on to his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 96

May December vibes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 2 699

You what?

By whattheheck - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 639

You deserved it 3 570

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999

By Anonymous - 28/05/2024 06:00

Today, I found out why my mother has treated me like dogshit since the day I was born. I was apparently born during a solar eclipse, which in her twisted mind meant I was born evil, with a black soul. I train dogs for blind people, yet she insists I must have a sinister motive even for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 76

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 108

Spooky

By Lopez85 - 22/05/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 135

Trust

By Anonymous - 22/05/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that her ex cheated on her when they were together, so she pegged all men the same, saying she was done with relationships, and didn't care if she hurt me or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 98

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 21/05/2024 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I can't sit down for a book or some TV without my wife coming up and moaning at me to "get a hobby, get out of the house once in a while, you never do anything anymore." I have a healthy, balanced social life, but maybe I want to relax in my own house for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 89

How? Why? What?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my lawnmower found the dart that my kids lost from my dartboard set last week. It found it as my husband was mowing the grass and flung it at about 60 miles an hour point first into my kneecap. It won’t come out, so I’m sat in an overcrowded ER on a Friday night with a 3 hour wait time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 111

My window

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 71

Am I being detained?

By JimmyT - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 053

You deserved it 14 501

Deception

By Anonymous - 17/05/2024 06:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I found out that my parents have been lying about my birthday. Now it makes sense how they "lost the birth certificate" or how many photos of me as a baby are dated before I was actually supposed to be born, because "the camera must've glitched, we must've confused the date we wrote in the back of that card." FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 79

Lockdown throwback!

By Let it bleed - 09/05/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my brother is staying over for a while. I thought I was prepared for this, but I totally forgot that he is inexplicably prone to having random nosebleeds. He's going through my Kleenex faster than a horny teenage boy left alone in his room. Time to hoard Kleenex like how people hoarded toilet paper in 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 103

What the hell is even that?!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Truckee

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 541

Desperate times call for desperate measures

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 20:00

Today, I found out my parents only got pregnant with me because they were desperate for a bone marrow match for my brother, who ended up dying before I was born, and who I had no idea existed. What’s even more messed up is that they gave me his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 95

Judgment Day

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pratt

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 929

You deserved it 2 020

Out of the blue

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 12:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, on my last day of vacation with my family, and after moving my kid back home after their college graduation, I received a text message from my supervisor that said, “Hello, your services are no longer needed" and that they would pack up my desk and mail it to me. I can’t get anyone to explain why or even answer me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 98

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 03/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, and for over week, one of my nostrils has been stuffed to the point I can't breathe through it. I tried nasal spray and blowing it out, but nothing worked. I wanted to go to the doctor but first, I used a flashlight and a pair of tweezers. The giant, crusted booger bullet I pulled out was as long as my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 120

Nope, just nope

By Anonymous - 03/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I met up with a guy from Bumble for a first date. An hour in, he asks me, "What's your take on body odor?" He proceeds to tell me about his intimate relationship with his body odor and how his armpits take on the scents of his lovers' lady bits. He added that the "essence" of his ex often returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 78

It's complicated

By Anonymous - 01/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Lenoir

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend, whom I'd been in love with since I was 19, wants to be back with his baby momma. His dad, after finding out that he has cancer, offered to marry me and adopt my kids to collect his SSI checks in case he dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 147

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 075

You deserved it 1 112

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 489

You deserved it 3 333

Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 043

You deserved it 479

Today, I got my first job interview since the pandemic started, with Dollar Tree. The interview was going great, until I accidentally said ,"Dollar General." Safe to say I’m not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 231

Today, my mother was guilting my wife and I for freezing embryos as a delay tactic to deny her grandchildren. Fed up, I told her, "Why don't you throw in a 'You'll miss me when I'm dead' to finish this guilt trip?" Now, she's crying and my father wants to murder me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 135

Today, I’m a nurse on a night shift and I finally got a quiet moment to eat. I heated my meal, sat down, and took one bite before my pager went off. By the time I got back 40 minutes later, someone had “cleaned up” the break room and thrown my untouched dinner away. I ate crackers from a vending machine at 3 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 87