Today, my now-ex boyfriend treated our waitress like shit. She was a young lady who just came from Venezuela and barely spoke English. He gave her no tip, ranted about “fixing this goddamn border problem” along with xenophobic slurs. Apparently, he’d forgotten I’m an immigrant too, from Colombia. FML
Today, I went out to eat with some friends. I ordered a cocktail with my meal. I got carded, but had left my ID at home. Instead, I took my hat off to show that I'm bald. It worked. FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, I got up the courage to go to a nice place for lunch alone. I wasn't expecting the Tilapia I ordered to be the whole fish, so I asked the waiter for a box because, "I forgot about an appointment in 20 minutes," just so he wouldn't think I was an idiot who didn't know what I was ordering. FML
Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML
Today, I went out to eat with a friend. I was supposed to be paying, but when I tried to, there wasn't enough money in my bank account. She didn't have money with her either. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML
Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML
Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML
Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML
Today, my older sister dragged us to a restaurant that charged us $80 a piece for 8 mouthfuls of food. She does this all the time. When our youngest sister defended her, it removed all doubt that our parents still pay her bills. FML
Today, I went for a quick piss at a restaurant. As I walked out the door, a little kid in the bathroom yelled, "HEY MISTER, YOU FORGOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS!" Everyone in the dining room stared, including my date. FML
Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant and confidently ordered in what I thought was fluent French. The waiter stared at me for a second, then responded in perfect English, "Dude, this is an Italian restaurant." FML
Today, it’s my girlfriend’s birthday. I took her out to her favorite restaurant to celebrate. The waitress serving us looked oddly familiar but I didn’t think anything of it until she said when we collected the check, “Aren’t you my sister’s husband?” I forgot she had a younger sister who worked here. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, one of the human-shaped piles of shit my restaurant serves found a hair in her food. Normally, these fuckwits piss and moan and demand free food, but this sack of filth turned out to be such a drama queen that she puked all over the table and cried so hard she needed an ambulance. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML
Today, I went to McDonald's to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML
Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML
Today, I wanted to be alone for once, so I went out for dinner, planning to go to the cinema afterwards. My sister ambushed me at the restaurant because she’d heard I was stressed out and wanted to be alone, so she thought she should keep me company while I was alone to make me feel better. FML
Today, I went on a first date, only for us to find the restaurant wasn't open on New Year's Day. My date suggested going to the mall instead. We drove in our own cars. Me: the mall, him: home. I waited for 40 minutes before realising he'd stood me up. Happy New Year to me. FML
newyearstandup tells us more.
Thanks for the support guys. To answer some of your questions.... The mall was suggested by him as we figured it was the only place we knew 100% was open. I don't think he suggested a closed restaurant deliberately. In my city it's touch and go what will be open on public holidays. We knew exactly where to meet - where all the restaurants are at the mall. And I did call and message a couple of times but received nothing back. He also deleted me from the dating site we met on. So it was a clear ditch. He knew what I looked like beforehand so dunno what it was! And we basically just had a one minute conversation so doubt I could have pissed him off in that little amount of time! Very doubtful he was in an accident. Definitely dodged a bullet I think. Hopefully this doesn't set the tone for 2015!
Today, my husband asked me to meet him at 6 for our date night, but I ended up being 45 minutes late. Turns out he predicted my lateness and had booked the restaurant for 7, not 6. He knows me so well, but sometimes I hate the smug smarmy bellend. FML
Today, my boss replaced me, with my 25 years experience, as head chef with her son, who has a GCSE in food studies from 15 years ago and hasn’t even worked a restaurant before. I’m sitting here, watching our customers send food back untouched because it’s so bad. This has ruined us. FML
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant with my boss, trying to make a good impression. I ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, only to later realize I'd forgotten my wallet. My boss had to pay for the meal, and I'm wondering if my job in accounting is now on the line. FML
Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used Band-Aid in it. FML
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