Today, I delivered a bottle of alcohol to my crush, since I finished her bottle a few nights ago. Turns out, they'd caught my friend and I talking about giving her backshots on their Ring doorbell footage. She brought it up. FML
Today, I went a girl's home for our second date. As she opened the door, she was leaving with another guy. I said, "I thought we had a date this evening?" Her response was, “Tah tah!” as she walked out the door while hanging on to his arm. FML
Today, I looked at my ex’s Instagram stories and found out that during our relationship, she was taking her now boyfriend to all the places I'd showed her. They’ve lasted way longer than we did, and she’s the one who left me. Seems like she liked how I treated her, just not me. FML
Today, my girlfriend went back to her ex for the fourth time. I don’t know why I keep going back knowing that will happen, but… FML
Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML
Today, I told my crush how I felt. He said, “Sorry, I don’t feel the same way. But you’re an amazing girl, and you deserve a guy who will treat you like a queen.” I asked him, “Well, why can’t you be that guy then?” He pretended to have a coughing fit and “suddenly remembered” he had to be somewhere and left. FML
Today, a guy I was seeing’s father passed away. He’d told me he “needed time to grieve” and he’d reach out when he’s ready to talk again. This was a month ago and haven’t heard from him. I just saw my Instagram feed containing a picture of him and his new girlfriend kissing. FML
Today, I got home and my wife was pissed that I'd forgotten our plans. She then refused to tell me what I forgot and went to bed. I know my memory’s bad so I always write stuff down, but there’s nothing on our joint calendar, nothing on my calendar, no Post-it notes, texts, or emails, nothing. FML
Today, I found out yet another friend is engaged, and a few more are having babies. I'm still young and have time, and I have a wonderful kiddo and boyfriend, but I also feel left out. FML
Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML
Today, my date turned up with her baby. Funny she never mentioned she was a single mom. She went to the bathroom and left the baby with me. Can you see where this is going? Yep, security footage showed that she walked out without looking back. I had to give the baby to the police. Shame on her. FML
Today, my anger issues reached their worst after a horrible day at work. I kicked my girlfriend out of our apartment because I smelled another man's cologne when I came home. The "cologne" was a scented candle that she had burning while I was gone. FML
Today, our daughter has actually been dating a decent guy, compared to the usual losers, and was going to meet his parents. My wife put her foot in it by repeating over and over again how important meeting the parents is. She psyched her out so bad, she cancelled meeting his parents and dumped him. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, like every month, I need to summon the courage to tell my husband that I’m on my period. When he finds out, he’s gonna go out and sleep with other women until it’s gone. He has “urges” and “needs sex every day” and if I "can’t give it to him someone else will.” I’m disabled and can’t afford to leave. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. While he was dumping me, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, it was supposed to be a big date day for my girlfriend and I. She really loves a specific video game, so I did what I thought was special on it. I learned the hard way that doing so ruined the entire day for her over the video game. FML
Today, I met in person a girl I’ve been talking to on Facebook Messenger. We went to a concert of a group we both like, then dinner, and had lots of fun. At the end of the night I realized she’s amazing as hell, and I’ve fallen in love. Our compatibility is unmatched. The problem is that I have a girlfriend of 3 years. FML
Today, I found out that my soon-to-be ex-wife had installed a Ring front door camera. The way I found out was when the PowerPoint presentation I was supposed to present at work started with the footage of me taking my girlfriend to the house when my wife wasn’t around. The next slide said, “Call your lawyer.” FML
Today, I don't know what to do. I like my BFF, and I really don't know what to do. I want to confess my feelings for her, but I don't think she will like me back because we're only supposed to be friends. FML
Today, I had to watch as the girl I love got her heart stomped to pieces once again. She had turned me down because apparently I’m not “her type”. She doesn’t understand that I will worship the ground she walks on, and give her the world and more. Her type must be abusers and cheaters then. FML
Today, my wife yet again started nagging me about a project I've been working on. With every single whiny word spewed from her yap, I could feel my excitement diminish, until it was replaced entirely with resentment and a craving for beer. FML
Today, I'm 36 and accidentally got pregnant with my FWB, a 28 year-old bartender. I told him and he broke down and admitted he’s actually only 19, an unemployed college dropout who lives with his parents. I didn’t believe it until I saw his driver's license, date of birth 2004. So much for child support… FML
Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML
Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I've been married for 17 years. I struggle with OCD and there are some things I can't get past mentally. One is tattoos. I have no sex drive toward women with tattoos. Friends only if they have tattoos. My wife knows this issue. My wife got her first 4 tattoos in February. Why?? Sex drive gone. FML
Today, I realized that I'm head over heels in love with my coworker. She's funny, caring, sweet, and the best person I've ever met. We're also both married. I dream about her every night, and the stress of not being able to tell her has overtaken my PTSD, making it impossible to sleep and barely function. Fuck Love. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me, then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. I wanted to break the ice, so I brought up a funny story… about my ex-girlfriend, without thinking. The room fell silent, and my girlfriend’s mom just stared at me. My girlfriend left the room in tears. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
