Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML
Today, after me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago, I found out he had a new girlfriend, but he was repetitively trying to get back into contact with me to rub it in my face. Then his mum died and she blocked him, so he came running back. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend has been banging half the cast we made friends with at the traveling renaissance festival. I thought they were just being nice by gifting us season passes and random activities. I guess she was paying them in other ways. FML
Today, my boyfriend was arrested and might go to prison because he shot the guy who tried to kidnap his dog. FML
Today, my husband will not stop fighting our divorce, even though he came out as gay. He insists that we can still be married and a family, and that I'm giving up. FML
Today, my ex-fiancee found out that I didn't cheat on her, but said that we can't get back together because too much time has gone by and there's too much of a divide between us. I keep begging and pleading and crying and everything but she won't listen. FML
Today, I admitted to my fiance that I'm glad I had a miscarriage. He kicked me out and called off our wedding. FML
Today, the guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months told me he’s now comfortable enough to let me meet his son. His two week-old son to be exact. Call me crazy but I think a pregnant ex is something a person should be told about. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has a massive number of kids he doesn't know about, some of them have hooked up, and it is a serious possibility that I've slept with one of my half-sisters unintentionally. FML
Today, I've had a situation that's been going on for over three years now. A guy that I loved, that I created a company for, still doesn't see me. He still doesn't respect me. But he won't let me go. I want to go. For the field of work we do, I'm an expert. I gave it my all for his success. I'm just done and I want to go. FML
Today, and hopefully for the last time, my grandma gave me a lecture about getting with the times, that it's socially acceptable nowadays, to be honest with myself, be free, and to come out. Emphasizing on the "Dearie" endearments. Apparently, to her and "most people today", being a bachelor-by-choice means you're gay. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his ex pregnant. The same ex that he still lived with because he “wanted to wait until the lease is up.” He “swore to God” he didn’t see her romantically anymore. I feel dumb for giving him the benefit of the doubt. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months said she was going to do the dishes, so I said I’d do the bins and mop the floor once I was at my games checkpoint in 30 seconds. She completely blew up at me for “never helping around here” when I literally just said I’d mop the floor in 30 seconds. FML
Today, I finally had lunch alone with the girl I like. It wasn't bad, but we had a few awkward silences. Still, I got home feeling proud that I’d actually managed to get some one-on-one time with her. But a little while later, my sister pointed out that I’d had a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth the entire time. FML
Today, my wife forgot our anniversary, yet I'm somehow the bad guy because I refused to have makeup sex with her. FML
Today, my fiancé actually threatened to leave me if I didn't find a "real" wedding dress. I love the one I picked out, it fits me perfectly, and was well below my budget. He's upset because it's technically a bridesmaid dress. FML
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Today, I broke up with my ex not too long ago, then I fell for another guy and he liked me too, but now a few weeks later we grew distant because of the same reason my ex broke up with me for, how I'm too clingy and affectionate, etc. FML
Today, the girl I was seeing was concerned about why I haven’t texted her in the past day. I sent her a picture of my newborn daughter and told her that my sister had a baby, and that I was helping her out. I had inadvertently sent it to my wife instead, because both their names started with H. She “Read” it already. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, my wife got back from two months visiting her unwell mother in Australia. Her mother is a major feeder, so I was trying to be tactful about my wife’s weight gain. Our kids, not so much. They ran to her in the airport and asked her if she was pregnant again because she’s "soooooo big." FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my neighbour if she'd like to get coffee sometime. She smiled and said she'd love to. We picked a day, and I went home feeling great. Later, she texted to ask if I could also feed her cat while she was away that week. FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiance only got with me because he has a fetish for black women (he's white). That's the only reason he started dating me. Never mind my career or anything else. All that mattered to him was the color of my skin. FML
Today, I woke up and groveled and apologized to my wife for waking her up. I went to work and sent groveling, apologetic texts throughout the day when she got angry. I got home, groveled and apologized for being tired and hungry, then ate a cold sandwich and went to bed. A typical day. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught the bouquet at her sister's wedding. I took it as a sign so after we got home, I proposed. She laughed and said no way. I'm done. FML
Today, the girl I’ve moved mountains and bent over backwards for chose another man over me. When I asked her why him and not me, she said, “He’s more attractive.” But she sure found me “attractive” when I spent $20k on her for gifts, favors, etc. She put me in the friend-zone, except when I took my wallet out. FML
Today, I went through another breakup. This will be my fourth in two years. None of them could handle or accept that I'm still best friends with my ex-husband, who is actually gay. FML
Today, I asked my husband if I should wear my black or red heels with my dress. He looked me up and down from the sofa and said, “We needed to leave 45 minutes ago to have any prayer of getting there on time, I'm now watching TV, so you and your heels please leave me alone now.” Oops. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught the bouquet at her friend's wedding, then shook them in my face like an accusation. I joined in the laughing with everyone else, but it put her in a mood, and she now hasn’t spoken to me in two days. FML
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