Today, I was yet again chastised for using a wheelchair, since, "Obesity isn't a disability." I'm 46 with lipedema, and lost my ability to walk 13 years ago. FML
Today, my wife heard that Wi-Fi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the Wi-Fi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML
Today, I pissed out a kidney stone the size of a sweetcorn. Doesn’t sound big, but you just try pissing one out. My poor knob feels like it’s been attacked by rusty steel wool wrapped around a full-speed drill bit. I’m genuinely scared that the next time I piss will be full of blood. FML
Today, I finished the cumbersome process to sign up and log in to my health insurance’s online office so I could reach them by email. As a reply, I got an email telling me I have a message on the website, which - after having logged in - informed me that they have replied to my inquiry. By letter. FML
Today, I know my clothing size and the clothes I buy usually fit me. Except for underwear. How come women’s panties always seem to be at least one size smaller than advertised? FML
Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML
Today, I went to have my ears cleaned out because I’ve been experiencing signs of deafness. Guess what? My ears were already clear. I need hearing aids. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost my hair, some of my sight, and some teeth, so yeah, why not my hearing at this point… FML
Today, I noticed my good shampoo was disappearing faster than usual. My boyfriend is bald so I just thought I was being silly, until I tried to join him in the shower for sexy time and found him using the shampoo on his balls and ass crack. FML
Today, I learned that losing 110 lbs causes people to start kissing your ass. The same people who told me to go fuck myself and didn’t give me the time of day before are now worshipping the ground I walk on. FML
Today, I'm neither tall, nor do I have disproportionately long legs, but I have never found a pair of leggings that actually covers my entire calves, which is less than ideal if the reason you buy leggings in the first place is to wear them under your pants in winter so you don’t get cold. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, because she thought I was prank calling. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, who confirmed I have a minor infection 'down there'. It’s not sexually transmitted, but since there were no obvious symptoms, he asked how I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t tell him my husband was going down on me and noticed it tasted different from normal. FML
Today, I asked my dentist for a sick note so I could get my lost filling put back in ASAP. According to her, being in pain 24/7 is not a medical condition that would justify immediate treatment. FML
Today, I'm so lonely that I actually convinced myself it was by choice. FML
Today, I had to get a nail removed from my head after a nail gun incident. The nail was actually touching my brain but didn’t cause damage. Of course being a builder with typical builder mates, the joke now is that I’m so brainless even getting shot in the head doesn’t make a difference. FML
Today, I was getting my hair dyed in a salon and suddenly 'Never Gonna Give You Up' started playing in the background. Rickrolling isn't common where I live, so I just took some heavy psychic damage while everyone remained blissfully unaware. FML
Today, I stopped watching porn at 6 a.m. to Google if depression makes you not able to cum. I was masturbating because I can't sleep. Insomnia is also a sign of depression. There's no joy at night anymore. FML
Today, if anyone was wondering how my day was going, I woke myself up by kicking the wall. HARD. Pretty sure I broke my big toe. 10/10, TOE-tally TOE-rrific. FML
Today, after my naked husband farted in my face because he’s an immature man child who refuses to act his age, this morning I woke up with raging pink eye. I’m half blind and I’m supposed to be taking my driving test this afternoon. I can’t see. FML
Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML
Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML
Today, while trying to relax because I'm sick and I feel like crap, the shower head attachment fell and hit me on the head. FML
Today, after I retired November 2021, broke my left leg in February 2022, was able to walk unaided around the end of July, broke my left hip in August 2022, physical therapy is now starting. Today. Happy retirement! FML.
Today, I got back from a holiday. I've been suffering from debilitating muscle spasms in my back for over a year, causing migraines and immobility. After all the physical therapy, drugs, and tests, it seems it was caused simply by my mattress. A week of sleeping in the hotel bed completely alleviated it. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I got the strong urge to pee right as I got home from work. In my hurry to get inside, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. They flew out of my hand, into the bushes. I couldn't find them in time and ended up wetting myself in my driveway, three minutes before I had to pick my daughter up from school. FML
Today, it was my stag do. One minute I was at the pub buying a drink, the rest was a blur until I woke up completely naked in an ambulance, with all my friends standing over me. They'd put sleeping pills in my drink and hired an ambulance. It was my stag do prank. FML
Today, I crashed my motorbike and broke both my arms. I now have to rely on my mom and aunt taking turns to do everything for me. FML
Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
