Anonymous · 4 September 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Good vibes

Today, I was in a quiet library when I noticed a buzzing sound. I ignored it, but it kept going. I looked around, but nobody else seemed to notice. After 5 minutes of searching, I realized the buzzing was coming from my backpack. My electric toothbrush had turned itself on and was rattling around. Everyone watched me pull out a vibrating bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220 You deserved it 390

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Anonymous · 4 September 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Surprise, MFer!

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · 2 September 2024, 20:00 ·Ireland

Spluttering and confused

Today, I was in a supermarket using the self-checkout. I tried to scan a loaf of bread, but it wouldn't register. After several attempts and increasing frustration, I slammed the loaf down on the scanner. The bread tore open, and seeds flew everywhere. An old woman behind me said, "Technology can be hard for the young, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 595

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Harry123 · 1 September 2024, 12:00 ·Swansea, United Kingdom

Such a gentleman

Today, I was trying to be polite by holding the door for an elderly lady in a shop. What I didn’t realise was that the doors were automatic. I ended up standing there awkwardly for a good 5 seconds, holding onto thin air, while she just smiled and walked by. A bloke behind me said, “The doors don’t need your help, mate.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 You deserved it 403

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Anonymous · 1 September 2024, 06:00 ·Santa Fe, United States

The jug of shame

Today, I had a Zoom meeting. I tried being professional by setting a virtual office background, but during the meeting my computer glitched and revealed my real background: a pile of dirty laundry and a jug of Arizona Tea. My boss couldn’t stop laughing because he thought the jug was a jug of piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 You deserved it 449

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Anonymous · 31 August 2024, 22:00 ·New York, United States

What are you doing?

Today, at a work gathering, I started chatting with a guy who looked familiar. It took 5 minutes to realize he was a guy from my apartment complex. For the last year I've been pretending to be an accountant named Claire whenever we met in the elevator because I thought it was funny. My real name isn’t Claire and I’m definitely not an accountant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 You deserved it 756

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Alex · 31 August 2024, 12:00 ·United States

What happened here?

Today, I was alone at the office and having some fun spinning around in my chair. In my enthusiasm, I spun too fast, lost my balance, and crashed into the shelf behind me. The shelf didn't survive the impact, and I had 30 minutes to come up with a good excuse before everyone else came back from lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 559

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Anonymous · 31 August 2024, 06:00 ·Warren, United States

Panic! at the grocery store

Today, I wet my pants at the grocery store. I didn't feel like I had to go until I was inside. The embarrassing thing (besides me being 37)? I actually made it to the store's public bathroom and made it to the toilet, but my belt was on so tightly that I had to undo it and it doesn't work like an ordinary belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284 You deserved it 340

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Anonymous · 31 August 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Negative aura

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend's dad by showing off my "impressive" knowledge of cars. When he mentioned she had a problem with her engine, I jokingly told him it was probably the “flux capacitor” that needed adjusting. He stared at me blankly and said, “You know that’s from Back to the Future, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 589

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JennieLee · 30 August 2024, 16:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Skittish and wet

Today, while in the shower, I heard my phone buzz. Expecting an important text, I leaned out to check it. I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and ended up stuck in the most awkward position possible with one leg in the shower and the other out. My roommate had to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330 You deserved it 221

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Anonymous · 29 August 2024, 16:00 ·Claymont, United States

In space no one can hear you fart

Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 100 You deserved it 668

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Anonymous · 29 August 2024, 09:00 ·Canada

Valuetainment

Today, I was trying to entertain my crush at a party by showing off my juggling skills. I confidently grabbed three random objects, not realizing one was a jar of pickles. Mid-juggle, the jar slipped and shattered, splashing pickle juice all over my crush. She just stared at me in disbelief, while I stood there smelling like vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 You deserved it 760

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Anonymous · 28 August 2024, 20:00 ·Plano, United States

Freeze

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347 You deserved it 161

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 694 You deserved it 45 450

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Anonymous · 28 August 2024, 06:00 ·Italy

What happened? Where are we?

Today, I'm aware that being tied up by your rugby friends is something that happens after a night of drinking. Still being tied the following morning is less fun, especially when you’re outside a local school on a Monday morning, wearing nothing but a feather boa around your waist, and zip ties on your arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398 You deserved it 207

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Anonymous · 28 August 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Wakey wakey

Today, I took a quick nap in my car during my lunch break. I'd set an alarm but forgot to turn my car off, having switched the AC on due to the blistering heat. The cool air lulled me to sleep. When I woke up, my boss was knocking on my window. Apparently, I'd knocked the car into neutral and it had rolled into his parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149 You deserved it 572

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Christine.T · 27 August 2024, 06:00 ·Boston, United States

Morning joe

Today, I stopped at the coffee shop before work and confidently ordered "my usual." The barista looked confused but nodded. When my drink came, it was completely wrong. Turns out, I was in the wrong coffee shop. I was too embarrassed to correct them, so I drank a weird matcha-pumpkin spice sludge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 You deserved it 812

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superb12345 · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Cascade, United States

Bitter

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745 You deserved it 1 016

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vanessax · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Crown Point, United States

Keeping up appearances

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587 You deserved it 23 465

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Unknown · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Wardrobe malfunction

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight the shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow, and I tugged so hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 804 You deserved it 37 409

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JeremySayz · 25 August 2024, 00:00 ·Seattle, United States

Body issues

Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 122

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Fun vacation times

Today, I needed to relax, so I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished, I went to put the tray outside, not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room, wearing smiley face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 476 You deserved it 27 395

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Anonymous · 24 August 2024, 00:00 ·Ljubljana, Slovenia

Shame!

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. When I got there they informed me that it was indeed on August 21st, but 2025. I showed up a year early. The embarrassment and awkwardness was probably felt by the people in the next building as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 133

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Anonymous · 23 August 2024, 06:00 ·Trenton, United States

Weird flex, but okay…

Today, I went through a fast-food drive-thru and gave my order in a perfect British accent for fun. When I got to the window, the cashier handed me my food and said, "I love your accent!" Caught off guard, I replied, "Oh, thanks a lot!" in my normal New Jersey accent. The confusion on her face was priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 You deserved it 556

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ChelseaGirl · 22 August 2024, 16:00 ·Nice, France

Bien joué

Today, I'm in the south of France and I was trying to impress a cute date at a coffee shop by ordering in what I thought was perfect French. He gave me a weird look, and the barista looked confused. Turns out, instead of ordering a "latte," I asked for "lait," which is just milk. I sat there awkwardly, sipping my cup of cold milk while he watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 You deserved it 539

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Trev · 22 August 2024, 09:00 ·Sacramento, United States

Introverts can relate

Today, I was at a party when I saw a guy I vaguely recognized. I walked up to him and said, "Hey! Long time no see!" He looked confused and said, "Sorry, do I know you?" After an awkward pause, I realized I didn't know him at all - I had mistaken him for a character from a TV show I'm currently binge-watching. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 130 You deserved it 536

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Kerrilyn · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Let em in

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window, telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 174 You deserved it 55 375

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anon · 20 August 2024, 16:00 ·Dundee, United Kingdom

Treat yourself day

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 504 You deserved it 119

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Anonymous · 20 August 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Perfect 10

Today, I was alone at work after everyone had gone home and started practicing my "cool" walk for a date I was going on after leaving the office. As I was strutting around, the doors of a conference room opened to a group of my coworkers, including my boss. They hadn't all gone home, and they'd seen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 You deserved it 627

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Isabel · 19 August 2024, 22:00 ·Cleveland, United States

No ragrets

Today, I showed my new tattoo to my friends. It's supposed to be a deep, philosophical quote in Latin, symbolizing strength and resilience. My friend, who happens to be fluent in Latin, started laughing hysterically. Turns out, it actually says, "You are dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 You deserved it 710

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